


Misty Eyed {Discontinued}

by ShineYunhyeong21



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: 3 chapter survival program, Arguing, Blackmail, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fast relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I always make him a rapper, K-pop Industry, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Manhandling, Manipulation, Minor Violence, Model Yunhyeong, Nude Photos, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paparazzi, Photo Shoots, Possessive Behavior, Rapper Bobby, Rest of iKON - Freeform, Sex Tapes, Smut, Trainee Yunhyeong, Ulterior Motives, couple tattoos, famous au, filming sets, netizen comments, scandals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShineYunhyeong21/pseuds/ShineYunhyeong21
Summary: Love…what is it? Is it pure? Is it kind? Is it tainted? Is it mean? What exactly is this thing we call love? Is it an emotion? Is it telling? Why do we love? Is it because we have to? Is it because we were born to?Why can it be so many things besides the things that I want it to be? Why can’t love feel real? To me, at least. Because to me love isn’t real, it’s an excuse used by others to dismiss the pain they have inflicted upon others. This love that I have is nothing more than excuse to inflict pain upon me in a selfish act of self-worth. To make sure I know my place, and where is that exactly? Burning right next to him in this pit of hell he has created for himself.~~Discontinued 8/6/19 - Please read the explanation in chapter 10 :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay and here we are! 
> 
> A couple quick things that you need to know unless you didn't get the tags:  
> 1.) The relationship is a fast one meaning that it isn't drawn out and everyone is getting to know one another. Nope, it's this way for a reason and it plays into other parts of the story, so hold your horses and don't bunch up your panties. The span of the relationship is literally over a month and a few weeks by the end of Chapter 6, so keep that in mind.  
> 2.) This story isn't the usual nice and fluffy K-pop Industry stuff that people usually write about their idols - I'm currently in an extremely angsty place, so I can only work with fluff for so long. It isn't really bad as per say, but it shows another side of fame that a lot of people aren't accustomed to - does that make sense? I hope it does.  
> 3.) Bobby is already famous and will continue to be famous - that's all for that.  
> 4.) Last thing, everything being done has a purpose to another part of the story, so if you don't understand it now you will later; also, I'll explain why I had the characters say certain things at the end of each chapter to show you why I used certain tags. 
> 
> That's really it for now, but I do hope you enjoy. Updates will be every Thursday until I finish it, so make sure to look out for Thursdays.

The music replayed filling my ears heavy as I restarted the same steps, I’ve been doing in this empty room for the last few hours. I haven’t eaten since earlier this morning and even though my stomach is eating itself, I can’t stop. I can’t stop, not now or ever. I gave up everything for this dream only for it to play many games with me. I came into this company the start of my last year of high school and I’m now currently the oldest trainee across all branches that the agency holds. I don’t mind all that much, but I’m ready to taste the fame I’ve given up the past few years of my life for. Maybe I should just quit and become a model or actor like how they want me to.

I just can’t give up on this dream, though.

The music stopped causing me to trip over myself a little as I stopped mid-spin. Catching my breath, I peeked through the floor-to-wall mirrors instantly straightening up not expecting to see who I did. It’s the President and Bobby, the company’s prized rapper. Greeting them, I crossed the room picking up my water bottle and towel before making my way closer to them.

“Bobby this is Yunhyeong, he’s a trainee.” The other held his hand out for me to take, which I shook slowly.

“I know. He was on that survival program two years ago. You were pretty popular, it’s sad that you didn’t get the chance to debut then.” Nodding, I took my hand back trying to get that memory out of my head, I got a really bad lecture after that stupid show that broke my self-esteem. “What are you doing in an hour?”

Wiping my face, I stopped turned back towards him not really liking the look that he’s giving me. But it isn’t like I can say anything with the President starting in between us curiously.

“Uh, practicing, why?” He smiled wide before whispering something to the older.

“Yunhyeong, take a break, okay? Shower, change, and be back here within an hour, okay?” Shock had me nodding not really understanding what had happened. “Bobby, come on or else we’ll be late.”

They both left leaving me alone to only the sounds of my harsh breathing and wild beating heart. The fact that the President himself told me to take a break and clean up was odd. It seems that what they say about Bobby is right – the favorites get to run the show. Taking a deep breath, I went towards the computer shutting it down before picking up my bag and heading towards the dorms. I had my own private one that was shared between a manger and I, but he got assigned to a new group, so I’m in it by myself majority of the time.

Stepping outside, cool air greeted me as it began to dry my wet skin and damp clothes. The shower that I’m about to take is going to be amazing. Humming the song that I’m singing for the monthly evaluation, I entered the dorms heading straight for the stairs. Not many of the other trainees took them as they liked to cram themselves onto the elevator. Making it to the second floor, my floor, I moved a little faster already feeling the hot water on my skin. Pressing in the code, the door flung open before slamming behind me as I scurried into my room as it had a bathroom attached to it.

Taking my shower, I scrubbed harshly and kneaded my sore body like crazy. I can’t smell of sweat and be a sore mess, especially if the President is going to be there. I should always be on the top of my game, even if I don’t feel that way. Coming out of the shower, I brushed my teeth for an extra measure before leaving the steam filled room to head into my closet. I dug around for a while until I found something stylish but also weather appropriate. It’s getting cold and I don’t want to freeze trying to look good. Rubbing myself down in lotion and other hygiene necessities, I grabbed my phone and wallet, running out of the dorms.

I only had ten minutes left before the hour is up and I hate being late.

Opening the practice room door, I was met with the sight of Bobby as he walked around aimlessly. So, the President wasn’t staying? Well, this is kind of a let down.

“Sorry for intruding.” Slowly backing out of the room, I was stopped by his laughter.

“No, come in, come in.” Coming back inside, the door closed behind me causing the sound to echo a little. “Um, I know this is kind of sudden, but have you eaten?”

My stomach growled answering for me making him laugh, again.

“I heard from the President that you’re usually in here from sun up till sun down without taking a break, unless someone forces you to.” He started making his way over towards me, closing the distance I had placed. “So, I want to take you out as thanks for all your hard work. What do you say?”

“S-Sure.” It’s the first time someone of his status has offered to take me to eat, and I’m honestly spazzing on the inside. “W-Where?”

“There’s this great restaurant that I go to all the time. It’s a little far, but it’ll be worth the trip.” Opening the door, he motioned for me to go through first.

“Okay.” It was practically a whisper, but I knew he had heard it by the smile he had given me.

We walked side-by-side down the hall, neither of us saying anything, relishing in the quietness that the company had to suddenly offer. It’s never this quiet as music, heavy breathing, and voices straining to reach notes filled the halls at all times of the day. Even on days when everyone was supposed to be at home – I’m clearly one of them.

“We’re the same age, aren’t we?” An agreeing hum left me making his smile even bigger. “You know, we used to train together.”

“Huh?” He opened the door that lead out to the parking structure, but I stood in the doorway confused and not ready to move on.

“Yeah, it was only for a week as I had been moved to prepare for my debut. You were the first person to say hi to me after I had gone on that rap program and won; well, the first trainee.” I did? Well, at the time I was just happy to be in the company, so I spoke to everyone regardless of status.

His hand lightly nudged me out of the doorway and towards the spot where his car is parked. I had seen it many times in photos and on different TV shows, but it felt different seeing it up close and personal. Like the gentleman he was being, he opened the passenger side door allowing me to climb inside before closing the door after me. As he got in, the car roared to life with the press of a button making me gasp softly in shock. The feeling of smoothness and the soft purr of the engine had me feeling oddly comfortable, and as I glanced at him, he felt the same way.

The drive to the restaurant was filled with nothing but the soft music coming from the radio that was changed when we were half-way there. He put on this loud blaring music that had no real depth to it – you can tell that whoever made it is only in it for the money and fame. I hate people like that.

“Do you want me to change it back?” Glancing at him, he continued to hold his smile as he leaned against the window, one hand gripping the steering wheel. “You look disgusted.”

“Ah, no, I’m fine, sorry.” I couldn’t help but feel a little bad because his music is kind of like this, but at least it holds meaning and depth to it.

“Don’t be.” The car pulled to a smooth stop making me look away from him and towards the many lights that lined the streets. “It’s a really private place. A lot of celebrities come here, so you can let loose, okay?”

“Let loose in a restaurant?” Covering my snort with my hands, I got out of the car causing him to do the same. “You’re a lot different from how they say you are.”

“I get that a lot.”

Entering the restaurant, the atmosphere was a lot more somber than I expected it to be, not to mention the many familiar faces I saw on our way to our table. Many of them were ones I’ve only saw on TV or heard over the radio, while the rest were faces, I’ve meet at least more than once. Some of them I’ve even trained with a long time ago. It’s clear that majority of them were on dates with other celebrities, and non-celebrities, meaning that it wouldn’t be the right time for a greeting.

“Come on, sit.” Nodding, I slid into the booth, his body sliding in right after me making my eyes fall to the table. “It’s cool if I order for the both of us, right?”

“Y-Yeah.” This sudden shy feeling had entered my body upon seeing how others were; I mean, he’s just buying me a meal, so I shouldn’t, right?

“Relax a little. I promise, we’re safe.” I’m not entirely worried about is being safe, but he doesn’t need to know that. “I was meaning to say this earlier, um, you look as if you could be an actor or model. Have you never thought about it?”

“I h-have. It’s just that music is my dream and I can’t give it up that easily.” Leaning on his palm, he turned his body so that he was facing me more and I couldn’t help but notice the fond way he stared at me. “W-Was music always your passion or did you just stumble into it?”

“Of course, like anyone else, I love music, so I tried it out and found out that I was actually decent. Then I started to think about my family and I wanted to do for them as much as they’ve done for me, and it made my passion for it deeper.” His smile had gotten even bigger making him look cuter.

“Aww, that’s cute.” Sipping on my water, I couldn’t meet his eyes at my suddenly slip-up. “Your family must be really proud and thankful.”

“Yeah, but I want someone else to be proud of me as well.” Maybe it’s the lightening in here or my mind playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn he just winked at me.

The waiter came over asking for our orders and as he ran them off, I looked around taking notice of how a few people were looking at us. Why? I’ll probably never really know. Maybe it’s because the Bobby is with someone they’ve never seen before. He’s always surrounded himself with others who share the same hobbies and whatnot as him, the only difference is that they’re all famous and well established. But no worries, my day will come and when it does, they’ll look upon me in envy at the one they’ve looked down on. If they are looking down on me, that is.

“…g – Yunhyeong? Hello?” Snapping out of my head-space, I turned to look at him with a small smile on my face. “You good?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m great.” Resting his hand on top of mine, he gave it a reassuring squeeze that had me sighing in relief for some odd reason. “Uh, thanks for taking me out to eat. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. Think of it as old friends meeting up, okay?” Okaying him, something in the back of my mind was not fully understanding the situation.

Why did he make me feel so calm and relaxed? Maybe it’s just how he’s always been, and I’ve never noticed it as we’ve never really spoke to one another. This might turn out to be a great friendship – I’m always in need of more friends, especially those who like to work hard.

“Mhm, okay.” The smile on my face had become wider as did his making his eyes almost look as if they disappeared.

When the food arrived, we continued to talk sometimes becoming louder than needed at something we’ve both found funny or took pleasure in. By the end of our meal, I realized that we had a lot in common – well, some of the music genres overlapped while others were stark contrasts of one another. It made talking fun though, so it isn’t all that bad. Bobby paid for it, hand on my wrist as we left, his words jumbling together as he goes on about wanting to do something spontaneous with me.

At first, I was thrown off not expecting that he’d want to do it with me, but then I started to become excited the more he talked about it. Getting into the car, he started the engine causing the same smoothness to greet us amongst our words. This time the radio had been turned off making the sound of our words to glide over the cool air that circulated in the car. His eyes glanced over at me a lot to make sure that I continued on with the conversation enough so that his replies wouldn’t seem awkward or out of nowhere.

To be honest, this is the most I’ve talked in a long time and I didn’t really mind it. My throat might be dry tomorrow, but I had dance lessons, so it doesn’t really matter.

“Are you good at games?” Tilting my head, I tried to think of a way to tell him that I don’t play any games, sadly. “I’ll take your silence as a no. Well, no worries I’ll teach you everything.”

Parking once more, he reached over me popping open the glove compartment pulling out some face masks and a pair of sunglasses. Handing me a face masks, he put it on for me before I could actually take it from his hands. Goosebumps had run over my skin at his touch never having felt anyone else hands besides stylists behind my ears. It felt way to good – I’ll never say that though or else it’ll ruin our newfound friendship.

“We don’t want to get into anything damaging, right?” Putting on his own mask and sunglasses, he suddenly slid out of the car coming to my side opening the door for me. “Come on.”

Sliding out, this time instead of my wrist he took my hand in his own, holding onto it as if we were more than just friends. His grip was firm and once the door closed, he walked me onto the sidewalk and into the building he had been raving about for the last 30 minutes or so. It was dark at first, but the deeper we went the warmer the lightening had become until we were being surrounded in this light orange lightening.

“Watch your step, okay?” Coming behind me, his hands held onto my shoulders steering me in a direction only he knew.

It didn’t take long before I was being blinded by screens that held games I’ve never even heard of before, and by the way I stopped, I knew he took notice of such thing.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fun, I promise.” Giving in, he guided me towards a screen further in the back and motioning for me to take the inner seat I did just that. “We can play two player games that won’t be all that hard.”

His hands moved fast as he clicked around. The sound becoming one that faded into the background with the others. Soon, his hands were guiding mine towards the keyboard, placing them exactly where they needed to be. The first round had ended rather earlier as I had somehow killed the both of us. He only laughed patting me on the shoulder before starting up the next round. We played well until I had got good enough to not die during the earlier rounds which had us both smiling at each other.

“Do you drink?”

“Sometimes, why?”

“I was thinking of getting us a few beers while the night is still young.” Agreeing with his suggestion, he stood telling me to stay seated.

Rolling my wrist, I started to crack my fingers as they haven’t been used this much in a long time. I mean, we do hand exercises in dance, but it wasn’t a continuous steady tapping motion. When he came back, he sat the beers down cracking one open and handing it to me before doing one for himself. Clinking our cans together, we moved down our masks throwing them back, harsh sighs leaving us at how good it tasted. Taking a few more sips, we went back to our game, minds and bodies more relaxed than they had ever been.

It was when we decided on playing one more game, a different game, that we had started to hear the whispers – that were not whispers, at all. They asked as if that was Bobby and who was the guy he was with and the list went on and on, so being the celebrity that he is, he stood taking my hand once more. We walked fast through the rows of others who just wanted to play games, but instead of distracting them it only made the voices louder.

They called out to him as he continued out the door, and if that wasn’t enough, he pulled me into his side rushing us towards his car. The car that stood out amongst all the other cars. Helping me inside, he got in pulling off, not even caring to put on his seatbelt as we drove away from the chaos that was unraveling.

“Sorry, I wanted us to have some fun and I ruined it.” Gently taking off my mask, I reached over doing the same for him – my smile never leaving my face.

“Don’t worry, I had fun, so you kept your promise.” His laughter started soft and slow before it was bouncing off the interior of the car.

“I’m glad.” We made it back to the company in no time, the only problem was that there were people everywhere. “You stay in the dorms, right?”

Nodding, he pulled off heading for the underground parking lot that held nothing but vans and other staffs cars. Not thinking much on it, he parked turning the car off almost immediately before turning to look at me. Staring back at him, I felt happy for another odd reason and the way how his nose crinkled up didn’t make it any better.

“I-Is it okay if I walk you to your dorm?” His shy words suddenly had my mind flipping the whole situation.

“I’m sorry, but, um, was this a date?” Swallowing thickly, I waited for his answer that only came as another shy smile.

“I guess, I’ve been found out.” Huh? So, it was a date? “I told the President that I wanted to treat you for your hard work since I always see you all the time, and he agreed without any problem. I-I’ve always liked you from a distance, so I took the chance and yeah. Sorry, if I did something you didn’t like.”

I was rendered speechless at his sudden confession having not expected it at all. I’ve been treating it the way how he told me to and now, that I’m seeing it as something else I couldn’t help but feel tricked. I’m always busy, so it was a good trick, nonetheless.

“Yes, you can walk me to my dorm.” Getting out, I left the mask on the seat having no use for it anymore.

He was quick to follow me, practically tripping over himself as we entered the building. We both greeted the trainees that were on their way back from practice or leave, and the look of shock on their faces had me clearing my throat. It seems that people can’t get enough of the sight of us together.

“I take the stairs as I don’t like cramming myself into the elevator. I hope you don’t mind.” Looking back at him, he shook his head taking the step I had just taken. “Okay, good.”

I had no idea on what to say as we headed up the steps, slowly. He was always a step behind me and I couldn’t help but think of unnecessary things. I mean, we had just gone out on a date – although, I just found out that it was one – so I can’t just send him off in a friendly way, right? Should I end this like how they do on TV and the movies? Would a small wave be enough?

This is really tearing me apart!

Making it to the second floor, I headed towards my door walking even slower causing him to take a deep breath only to start whistling a second later. He’s pretty decent at it. Stopping in front of my door, I hesitated a little in opening it still not knowing what to do or say.

“W-Want some water or something?” Pressing in the code, I pulled the door open waiting on his response.

“Sure.” Smiling, I felt that I finally had this under control until my legs decided that they didn’t want to work anymore.

Toeing off my shoes, I moved my foot to step fully inside only to feel my body tipping as gravity did it’s thing. Arms had wrapped around me, quickly up righting me, my back pressed against the wall and my eyes closed tight. Anyone would expect to face-plant into the wooden floor, but now that the arms were lightly squeezing my sides, I didn’t know how I should feel. Of course, I’m thankful, but his touch made my skin tingle and my breathing shallow.

“Are you okay?” Opening my eyes, I was met with the concerned face of the other who was searching my face.

“Y-Yes, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with my body as of lately.” Laughing nervously, he nodded making my head tilt up a little ready to ask him to release me. “Um?”

“Sorry, but -.” Placing his lips on top of mine, I froze having not expected it at all, although it was one of many scenarios running through my head.

Everything about it was slow and gentle until I started to fall into it which had it turning into something more aggressive. Our lips moved roughly against one another, his tongue darting around my mouth only to twirl around my own tongue seconds later. My hands found purchase on his biceps as I gripped the muscles harshly trying to not fall as my knees were starting to give out. One arm tightened around my waist pulling me closer while the other slowly slid up my back until it found it’s place in my hair. He didn’t tug on it or anything, rather playing in it like a child would, but it didn’t stop the tingles from running down my spine.

He moved his leg forward making my own part a little, and at the feeling, I started to think about what exactly is going on. We’re in the foyer making-out when we barely know one another besides the few things that we talked about. Honestly, I should feel weird, sadly, I don’t and that’s making my brain fry while my stomach does backflips – the good ones.

“Wait,” It came out breathy as I tried to detach our lips only for him to claim them again, “Bob-Bobby!”

“Huh?” Finally giving me room to breathe, I watched the line of saliva snap before looking at his lips that were extremely glossy.

“This is just so – I mean, uh, let’s get to know one another better, okay?” Nodding in understanding, he stepped back that shy smile coming back into place.

“Y-Yeah, my bad, I got ahead of myself. Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Nodding back, I watched as he left the door slamming closed behind him.

Whatever power was holding me up had finally decided to give in as I slide down the wall. Pulling my legs to my chest, my heads nestled into the small space trying to hide my smile. That wasn’t supposed to happen, but I’m not mad that it did at all. What am I an idiot? Yeah, an idiot who’s developing feelings over a kiss.

I really shouldn’t be worrying about this right now, I have dance in a few hours. Meaning that I need to go to sleep. I’m going to go to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are on a Thursday with the first update of many. I hope you enjoy as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Bobby and Yunhyeong are their current ages - 24. Well, Yun won't be for long, but that doesn't pertain to the story right now.

The days that were normally filled with practice and nothing, but practice had found a new routine. Around noon or so, almost everyday, the practice room door would open revealing the face of someone who had better places to be. In his hands he’d wave around a bag of food, telling me to take a break and eat with him. I had no reason not to agree which ended with us too close for comfort eating and sharing food. Our conversation were always about stupid things that anyone would normally talk about, so the atmosphere around us was always comfortable.

Well those noon lunch breaks, had soon branches off into the other giving me quick touches whenever he’d walk past me in the company. Of course, like the idiot I am, I’d hold a small blush hurrying to my vocal lesson or dance lesson. Those quick touches soon became him pulling me off to the side out of nowhere to say hi to me. Letting me go, I’d be left to stand in the middle of the hall watching as he walked off. Greetings turned to kissing and without a doubt he’d drop by my dorm at odd hours of the morning to sleep with me. Actual sleep, not sex.

And with these new developments came the whispers and watchful eyes that seemed to follow me wherever I went. I didn’t mind it all that much as I knew what we did wasn’t anywhere close to the rumors that were being spread. I’m not going to let some nobody tell me about myself – not now or ever.

“Yun? Are you going to finish helping me?” Leaving my headspace, I came back to the fact that I was helping him practice his dance for his comeback.

It was in a week and wouldn’t be promoted much as he was throwing a small club tour around the country. That meant that we wouldn’t be seeing one another for a few weeks, sadly.

“Hm, yeah, sorry I was thinking about something. Where did we stop?” He did the move over again making me nod. “Okay, so with the next move you need to turn your body sharply, like this.”

Doing the exact move, I watched him in the mirror as he copied it in his own way. Now, I know why the Head Choreographer, Lee, is always annoyed when he gets done working with Bobby. The other likes to do his own thing, and you can’t really fix it.

“You’re starting to look like Lee.” Sighing, I rubbed at my temples before turning towards him.

“I know you’re the “swag king” of Korea, but can you take this seriously. I don’t care what you do on stage as long as it looks good in the dance practice video and MV.” His face scrunched up at the name that he’d been given by the media.

“Fine, fine, if it won’t make you upset then I’ll do it by the book.” Smiling at him, I moved closer grabbing his shoulders and turning them into the end pose of the move.

“Great, now once more.”

We had fallen back into our routine of working hard until it was done, and when it was, I sat back watching him go through the whole thing. His facial expressions seemed to be the only problem as he clearly wasn’t as enthusiastic as he normally is. It’s tiring but it has to be done.

“Done! Let’s eat!” Rushing towards the computer, I turned off the music before making my way towards the already warm food. “Come on, get up.”

“Give me a minute.” His minutes usually meant five, so picking everything up, I sat it next to his spread out figure. “You didn’t have -.”

“It doesn’t matter, now sit up and eat.” Pulling the tops off of the containers, I grabbed my spork scooping a wad of rice into my mouth.

I’m starving, so I’m glad he asked me for help, or else I wouldn’t be eating until around midnight.

“Stop starving yourself, it isn’t healthy.” Humming, I watched as he sat up finally digging into his own food. “Yun?”

“Yes?” Folding a thick piece of meat, I slipped it into my mouth while waiting on him to speak.

“Do you think you’ll ever do another survival show? If you got the chance that is.” Chewing slowly, I swallowed thickly as I made a ton of promises to myself during that time.

One of them being that I’d never do another survival show, no matter who’s hosting it. I just can’t go through that emotional turmoil again. Especially not now – my self-esteem still hasn’t fully recovered.

“W-Why?” Huffing a breath with the word, I didn’t want it to sound forced – I have no interest in it.

“Yang is hosting another survival program. It’s YG trainees only, so there’s no outside competition, and I think you should try out for it.” Listening to him, he smiled before noticing the twisted look on my face. “This might be your only chance, Yun. I really want you to make it in this industry. You have too much talent to waste it.”

He was right. I’m too old to still be a trainee, so this is possibly my last chance. The public isn’t too keen on having such an old rookie in a group full of young fresh faced ones. I should throw my pride away, break my promise, and just agree to do it. I should be throwing myself at the opportunity, but it’s a hard decision.

The many nights I spent up crying, singing till my voice went hoarse, and dancing until my toes bled had given me nightmares. I made decent friends who are all now out there debuted and doing what they know best, but we don’t stay in touch. Why? Because I’m not out there with them. I’m not running into them at award shows and music programs; I’m not an idol. Instead, here I am working my ass off in a practice room that smells like sweat and stale cleaning supplies. I’m still working harder than the rest.

“I-I’ll think about it.” Shoving more food in my mouth, I had to force down the feeling of wanting to throw up.

The silence had come full force as I couldn’t find it in myself to look at him. I felt like I would breakdown if I did, and I really don’t want him to see me like that. Not yet.

Finishing our meal, I cleaned everything up throwing it all away before downing the last of my water bottle. I still had a few more minutes in here until I had to go back to the dorms. I’ve given time off as per the President’s orders – he says that I needed it, yeah right. Sighing, I moved back to the computer clicking through the songs only to feel arms wrapping around my waist. Ignoring it, I continued with what I m doing as I only had so much time left.

“Yun?” Humming, again, his hand had taken hold of my chin turning my head to face him.

He placed a quick kiss to my lips before leaving me to stare at him. Gathering his stuff, I watched as he ran out saying that he needed to shower for a photo shoot. Yelling out a quick goodbye, he made this weird sound that was soon being replaced by the sound of the door clicking closed. Finding the song, I was looking for, it blared loudly through the speakers and as I ran to stand in the middle, I couldn’t help that his words had distracted me.  

Running through the routine I’ve been doing since I’ve entered the company, I mouthed the words that I knew by heart as my body moved by memory. The moves had become more fluid over time, which is a given, but it seems that they just wanted to look choppy today.

“UGH!” Stopping, I stared at my reflection in the mirror to see the me from almost three years ago, struggling over the same stuff.

I can’t get a break, can I?

Turning everything off, I put on my jacket and slung my own bag over my shoulders making my way out of the room. I can practice at the dorm if it starts to bother me too much. The halls were unusually quiet, but I didn’t pay much attention to it, instead untangling my headphones for the somewhat short walk I take every day.

“That’s one way to become famous, especially when you know that the company has no use for you.” Stopping, I turned my head spotting two other trainees giggling while looking at me.

I said, I wouldn’t let it get to me, but that’s pretty hurtful. No, it’s really hurtful.

Stuffing my earbuds in, I turned it up to the highest volume as I started to walk faster than I normally would. I need to get out of here. The moment my feet touched the ground outside, I went from sprinting to jogging only to end up running into the dorms and up the stairs. Throwing open my door before any of the other trainees could spot me, I slammed it behind me glad that I shut them out even if it was only for a few minutes.

Going into my room, I softly closed the door behind me before sliding onto the floor. My face was pressed into the rug and my feet kept curling and uncurling as I tried to calm myself down. There just words – hurtful, mean, stupid, useless words. I would never use someone else to become famous. That’s not the type of person I am, I just don’t have it in me to do so. I want to make it on my own with my hard work and talent.

Taking a deep breath, I rolled onto my back staring up at the ceiling that I see first thing in the morning. I had plenty of thoughts swimming through my head. Some of them are things I shouldn’t be thinking while others were just placeholders until I could find the bright side of my thoughts. I never did find it.

The darker thoughts lead me to sitting up, hands grabbing the small one-person foldable table that my laptop rested on. Slowly opening it, I hit the power button mindlessly waiting as it brought me to the lock screen. Hitting the enter button, I typed in my password making it to my home screen that’s a photo of the first concert I ever attended. It was there that I realized being a singer was what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. I wanted to gather fans from all over the world and tell them how thankful I am for their support and how much I love them.

I’m a whole let down at this point.

Going on the internet, I typed in my name watching as video after video, and many pictures popped up. Clicking on the first one, it’s the one where I finally introduced myself to the world and my passion for being an artist. Turning up the volume, a two year younger version of myself came onto the screen smiling brightly.

_“Hello…hello…do I sit here? Mhm, yes, I’m ready”_ I was so awkward. _“Hello, my name is Song Yunhyeong and I am 22 years old._ ”

I can still remember how nice and kind the staff had been as they wanted me to be as comfortable as possible. They gave me this sudden rush of confidence that I could do a good job, and I did for majority of the show. Clicking on the next video, it was my “audition” video – it was the singing and dancing in front of judges video. At the time, I had plenty of ideas and always wanted do things different from the norm, so instead of doing what everyone expected me to as I came from YG, I did something more SM, so to say.

I was the happiest on that stage singing and dancing to a song from my childhood. I passed with flying colors – I passed everything with flying colors until we had gotten to the last handful. I got nervous. I choked, bad, and down went my rank along with everything else. I must be pitiful to others, but to myself I only see, mhm, I don’t know what I see.

Closing my laptop, I pushed it away laying back down on the rug, my eyes instantly falling closed as I tried my hardest to stop my tears. Tears that told my true feelings. Sleep came to my quickly, so when I woke up around four in the morning it didn’t come as a surprise. My phone kept going off, so snatching it out of my pocket, I took in the bright screen that had become filled with many text messages and phone calls.

“H-Hello?” Bobby had called me the most of out everyone, so it meant that I should be concerned.

“Are you in the dorms?” My ‘yes’ came out dry as my throat was clenching tightly. “Stay there for a few days, or go home, but don’t come to the company.”

“W-Why?” The sigh he heaved was heavy making my heart fall further into my ass. “I-Is something going on with the c-company?”

“No, it’s – ah, I have to go, but I’ll text you later, okay?” Humming in agreeance, he hung up making me pull the phone from my ear.

Entering my messages, all of them were filled with questions asking if someone in a picture is me. Huh? I didn’t take any pictures as of lately. Someone had sent me a link with the question, so clicking on it, the lump in my throat had become even bigger.

‘ ** _YG Rapper Bobby captured cuddling with a mysterious male trainee. {Photos below}_** ’

Scrolling down, it was the photos from yesterday when he had come up to the computer behind me. They even had a photo of us kissing. Anyone who knew me could tell that it was me, I mean, I’ve had this shirt for years. At least, they didn’t capture my face or else I wouldn’t know what to do. Scrolling down farther, I had come to the comment section that was filled with nothing but negativity for me, who they don’t even know.

_[+456 – 37] Why can’t he use his actual talent to debut instead of trying to sleep his way into the industry?_

_[+298 – 10] Oppa_ _ㅠ_ ___ _ㅠ_ _you can do so much better!_

_[+173 – 90] Don’t fall into the temptation – that sly fox! He probably has nothing going for him, so he’s using him to get ahead in life. It’s sad that the industry has fallen into the hands of talentless whores._

“T-Talentless whore?” I allowed my tears to fall as I scrambled to call the other back.

I know he’s busy with something, but this isn’t fair. All I did was come to like him, it’s even to the point where I might be in love with him – might. So, why am I get shit for that?!

“Can this wait?” Scoffing, I felt it rise out of me before I could stop it.

“TAKE DOWN THOSE PHOTOS NOW!” Hanging up, I threw my phone into the wall – I have a protective case, so it’s fine.

Covering my face with my hands, I screamed into them forcing the sobs and tears that I’ve been holding back to come through full force. All that ran through my head is ‘It’s over’ and ‘What am I going to do?’. I’ll lose everything once they find out that that’s me in that photo. I’ll be kicked out of the company and my dream will go straight down the drain; I’ll finally have nothing.

Forcing myself to move, I climbed onto my bed taking off my jacket and socks, burying myself into my blanket and pillows. The tears were nonstop along with the snot and drool that ran from my face. I haven’t felt like this since the day I lost, no, this feels much worse than that stupid day. It feels as if someone is punching me in the chest over and over again, all while blaming me for everything going wrong.

Is me liking him wrong? Is him liking me wrong? Are we wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Netizens are so mean for no reason, especially over nothing a lot of times.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yunhyeong deciding to do the one thing that he never wanted to do. Also, be careful who you talk around, the person you might be speaking on could be right behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's Thursday and here we are with another update. I'll also be updating tomorrow as per request from a friend, but other than that it'll be every Thursday as it gives me time to write chapters further ahead and not have to worry about rushing. I hope you enjoy the update today and tomorrow.

Knocking had me unrolling myself from the bundle I had been in for a day and a half. I had no appetite and with no appetite came no real use for the bathroom, so I just stayed in one place. Well, I did use the bathroom first thing in the morning along with a quick wash up not wanting to be bothered with feeling dirty. My phone continued to ring over and over again, but I ignored all of it for my peace of mind. I can’t deal with something of that level right now.

Shuffling towards the door, I peeked out the peephole ready to tell whoever it is to go away, but I knew this person wouldn’t be leaving. Unlocking the door, my hand started to sweat as I turned the knob yanking the door opened. A sigh of relief had left him causing his features to smooth out. He rushed at me, slamming the door closed behind him. He held my face in both of his hands looking me over before crashing his lips onto my own. I was more than surprised and as he slipped his tongue into my mouth, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back.

“You had me so worried.” Staring into my tired and swollen eyes, his eyes started to drink me in. “Why didn’t you answer your phone? I thought you did something drastic.”

“Drastic? Do you really see me as someone that weak?” Pushing him away, I turned on my heels heading back to my bundle.

“You know that isn’t what I meant.” Well, that’s what it sounds like. “I want you to come somewhere with me.”

“Why? So, they can get a good look at me and tear me down more?” The breath I took wasn’t as sound and firm as I wanted it to be, instead it was way too shaky and weak.

“No, I would never do that to you or let anyone do such a thing. I just really – I want to show you something important, so for an hour can you come with me?”

The obvious answer would be no, but he sounded so desperate that I couldn’t bring myself to say it. So, instead of using words, I gave him a small nod causing his arms to instantly wrap around me. The familiar warmth calmed me down more than I thought it would. My heart clenched while doing backflips showing me that I couldn’t back out of this. I can’t leave him alone, no matter if I should or shouldn’t.

“Thank you.” Swallowing thickly, I took a deep breath forcing a smile onto my face. “Change into something comfortable, okay?”

Nodding once more, he unwrapped his arms from around me leaving me alone. He said that it’s only for an hour, so I shouldn’t think too much on it. Dressing in all black, to stay as incognito as possible, I pulled a black snapback over my head. It hung low leaving only my nose and below visible. Exiting my room, he took me in, a small sigh leaving his lips, but other than that he didn’t say anything. His hand wrapped around my wrist walking me out of the dorms and towards his car that he left out in the open for everyone to know where he’s at.

Opening the door for me, he kept moving his head glancing around to see if anyone was watching. If he was so concerned, then he shouldn’t have come. Slamming the door closed, I watched with a sigh as he jogged around the car before getting in and pulling off. He should really put on his seatbelt before doing so; I mean, the windows are tinted, so I don’t think they’ll get a clear enough shot anyway.

“Did you wash your face? Your eyes were pretty swollen, so I’m concerned if you’ll be able to see well.”

“I did.” A miracle didn’t happen where my eyes suddenly went back to normal, but it was better than a few minutes ago.

“Good.” The car had gone back to silence afterwards – not even the radio or heat was on.

It didn’t take long before he was turning down this side road into an underground parking lot that was barely visible. Swerving into a spot in the corner, the car turned off making the silence even worse. He had something he wanted to say which was pretty clear from how he kept glancing at me. If he wanted to bring me to a parking lot to talk, then he could have said what he needed to say in the dorms.

“I talked with Yang on the whole situation, and he said that he’d try to do something about it.” Scoffing, I knew that meant that he wasn’t going to do anything – he never does. “I know you’re taking this hard with a million thoughts running through your head, but don’t worry, everything is going to be fine. I promise.”

“You also promised that this would be a thing only for us and look at what happened. I’m sorry, it’s just that I can’t count on a promise that can easily be broken.” Unclicking my seatbelt, I opened the door stepping out of the car wanting a moment of fresh air.

“Yun? Are you really doubting me right now?” Taking ahold of the back of my neck, I had to force myself not to say something stupid. “I asked you a question.”

“Do I have to answer it if the answer is already clear?” Turning around, he had rounded the car caging me into the small amount of space left between the car and the wall. “I like you a lot, Bobby, but I’m not going to risk everything I’ve worked so hard for.”

I expected him to say something cliché, but he did nothing more than grab my wrist dragging me towards a door. The moment we stepped through it, loud club music reverberating through the walls had entered my ears. Looking at him, he only focused in front of us and as he pushed open another door, we were greeted with bodies of people dancing and a small stage that held a DJ. Telling me to stay where I’m at, he hid behind his jacket as he made his way through the people heading towards the stage.

“The main reason the club is so packed is because of this person! The one you’ve all been waiting for…” The DJ paused mid-speech giving that dramatic paused that made the crowd go silent. “BOBBY!”

As he stepped onto the stage, the crowd went wild rushing in even closer trying to get closer to him. While it would have been ideal to play along like he didn’t bring me here, I couldn’t do that, so I stepped back leaning into the wall that covered me with a slight shadow. The instrumental to a song that everyone here knew started to blast through the speakers making his smile even wider. His hands relaxed around the mic in them as he started to recite the lyrics that he had written and knew by heart.

He looked extremely comfortable on the stage, although small, but he interacted with the crowd giving them the chance to rap or sing the parts along with him. Watching it, I was amazed at the stage presence that he had but it also had an even bigger lump forming in my throat. His head moved as he jumped around, but his eyes never really left my figure wanting to be sure that I didn’t run away. That I was watching him and only him.

“Ah, Bobby is so cool! It’s sad that he had to choose some bum.” A mixed group of girls and guys walked directly in front of me, but their eyes were facing the stage.

“You know that you want to be that bum. He’s so lucky!”

“Lucky? The whole world is after him. I’m sure that once his identity is revealed he’ll be torn to shreds.” The lump in my throat had become even bigger as they continued to speak on me. “He’s looking over here!”

“Huh? Really? He is! He just waved!” Watching the group freak over the wave that wasn’t even meant for them, I crossed my arms over my chest looking at my shoes.

Why am I even here? If he wanted me to watch him perform then he could have given me a ticket for his concert.

Lifting my head, his eyes met mine fiercely, the mic leaving his lips only for him to lick them mouthing the lyrics, ‘ _I’ll take you to my wonderland, you’ll be my Alice_ ’. I wanted to scoff, but I held it in knowing not to bring any unwanted attention to myself. He continued to hype the crowd until the song had ended, an uproar of cheer following him as he left the stage with security’s help. As they made their way around the club, he walked past me, hand grabbing my own yanking me into the circle of security.

“Yah, what are you doing?” Whispering it, he only flashed me a smile as we were ushered up the stairs and into VIP where other people were waiting on him.

“Great performance! You really had the club living up to its name.” Flinching at the loud voice, I turned my head to see YG artists.

“You know I do my thing, DK.” His smile was wide, something that I couldn’t match even if I wanted to. “Oh, this is Yunhyeong.”

They all looked between each other making me jerk his hand away, turning on my heels and walking away from them. I don’t really know where I’m going, but it’s clearly away from here. I’m not going to be judged right in front of my face. A hand had wrapped itself around my bicep yanking me into a room, the door closing with a thud as I was pushed against it. His fingers were quick to yank off my cap causing my glossy eyes to become known to him. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream and ask why he’s doing this to me, but in the end, I’ll never have it in myself to do so.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His eyes were hard not matching how soft and concerned his voice sounded.

“Is that what you wanted to show me? You wanted to stand me in front of others so that they can give me weird looks and laugh at me.” My emotions are such a mess – how am I sad one minute and angry the next?

“I already told you that I would never do anything to hurt you. I brought you with me to show you that I don’t give a damn what anyone says. I took you out on my side amidst the scandal and I even introduced you to my friends meaning that I don’t plan on you going anywhere. I like you more than you’ll ever know, so please don’t run away from me. I only have eyes for you; I only want you.” The angry quickly left me as I took in him, my mouth slightly falling open at his confession.

I had a lot of things that I wanted to say, along with the many emotions swirling through me, but I was as conflicted as I felt. My heart leaped with joy at the fact that he likes me as much as I like him, then my brain kicked in reminding me of the situation. I would love to always be by his side and continue to be there for him, but that might cost me my chance. I also don’t want to be seen as someone who’s only using him for what he can get me.

I wish I would have debuted two years ago, then this wouldn’t be such a hard thing.

“We don’t even have to announce it, okay? We can move in silence until you debut for all I care. I just – I need you by my side. I’m tired of wandering.” Taking a deep breath, I uncurled my hand trying to ignore the tremble that ran through it and placing it over his heart I could feel how fast it was beating.

“O-Okay, okay.” Nodding, I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore making me lean my head against his shoulder. “C-Can we leave?”

“Yeah, I need to talk with friends for a minute, but you can wait in the car. Here are the keys.” Quietly thanking him, I took the keys along with my hat pulling it low over my eyes once more.

He followed after me as I left the room only to stop by where we had just left from as I continued down the stairs. Avoiding those that stared at me curiously, I sped towards the door we had used to enter the place and making sure it clicked behind me I released another breath. Making it to the car, I got in not caring to start it yet. I need a moment.

“Let your heart take over for once idiot! Be happy and deal with the consequences later!” Screaming in an otherwise empty parking lot, I begged with myself to not ruin this for me.

My thoughts always got in the way never allowing me to fully enjoy things and by the time I get the chance to, everything has already gone to shits. I haven’t been happy in such a long time, and now that I have the opportunity in front of me, I really don’t want to let it slip away. I don’t want to keep being left behind.

When he got in the car, I made up my mind to follow his lead trusting that he won’t throw me away and go back on his words. I made up my mind to follow my heart and worry about the rest later, and at this moment, my heart really wants him, so that’s what I’m going to do. Asking if I wanted to go back to the dorms, I shook my head trying to stop myself from playing with my fingers.

“Let’s go to my place.” I almost caught whiplash from how quick my head snapped over to look at him. “We can drink and talk, that’s all. You can even stay over if you want, since I’m always at your dorm.”

“Okay, let’s go.” I’m not even going to think about it.

Staring at my hands, I allowed him to drive in peace while my head was in turmoil trying to talk me out of this. It’s only been less than month since we’ve started this, and I kept saying that we needed to get to know one another better. Which we absolutely should, and my brain is correct, but I told myself to shut up over and over again until it had finally gone quiet. I was suddenly hit with a blank that I forced upon myself and although I should have been satisfied it just didn’t feel right in a sense. Whatever, I’ll worry about it later.

Turning to the window, the city ran by us fast leaving only blurs of colors and people that had places they needed to be. It’s a sight I don’t see daily, so it’s refreshing, especially with my heart fighting my brain. He drove towards the nicer part of Seoul, where almost every celebrity in the city resided. The apartment building was practically all windows, which had me staring at in awe. He really made it.

He rolled down the window scanning a card that opened the gate and driving through I let out a small ‘wow’. I really need to get out more and explore the city because I shouldn’t be this shocked by a gate. Going down into the parking structure, he seemed to have a spot designated for him, so pulling into it the car had gone off once more.

“Come on, it’s a ride.” Getting out, I rounded the car taking the hand that he held out for me – yeah, this one is a no brainer, so I’m glad it blanked out.

Stepping onto the elevator, he pressed the floor causing us to stand in the middle of it awkwardly as it went up a few floors before stopping. Other people stepped on making me step back and turn a little to hid myself some. His sigh hid under their loud chatter and as more and more people got on, his chest was soon pressed into my back putting me on the spot. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself down trying to not think on it because these people also had their own things meaning that they didn’t care about us.

Coming to his floor, he excused us, rushing us out of the full space, body still pressed into mine. Turning me as if I was an avatar, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing as it felt weird walking like this, but it was really nice at the same time.

“Do you want to press in the code?” Shrugging, he put his lips right against my ear, my body scrunching up. “It’s your name.”

Huh?

“Well, it’s Yunnie, so 986643.” Pressing it in, the lock unclicked, and the door pulled back allowing me to fully open it. “I recently changed it. What do you think?”

“Uh, wow, that’s sweet.” I wanted to say cute, but I swallowed it. “Woah, your place is really nice.”

Leaving his embrace, I took off my shoes and hat getting a better look at the all black decor that held subtle shades of red and gold in certain things. There were also the vibrant paintings that stood out the most among everything else. Making my way into the living room, he had the large fuzzy rug in black as well with a glass table on top of it that barely took up any of it. There was also an artificial fireplace – the tv screen one that gives off real heat and holds a photo of logs on fire.

“Is wine fine?” Nodding, he left me alone to continue looking around.

My eyes caught sight of a wall of shelves that held his many awards. Stepping up to it, I read over them taking in all the things he’s achieved in span of time that was relatively shorter to others who had the same achievements. He really is the chosen one, I guess.

“You can pick one up, if you want to.” Flinching, I turned around to see him standing behind me with wine glasses in both hands.

“Ah, no, it’s fine.” Taking the glass, we went back towards the fire place and as he sat down on the rug I followed. “Why not a real fire place?”

“I’m clumsy which means I’ll probably burn the whole place down.” Chuckling at his words, he scooted closer to me until I was situated between his legs, his own propped up for me to lean against. “You look really good in my home. Why don’t you stay?”

“I hope you haven’t used that on anyone else because it sucks.” My face turned up making it his turn to laugh.

“No, you’re the first and last.” Rolling my eyes, I brought my glass to my lips sipping on it a little. “I like you a shit ton, so don’t ever think of running away from me, again.”

“Hm, well, don’t do anything for me to run away. I know the photos aren’t your fault, but be more careful from now on, okay?”

“So, I can’t kiss you at the company anymore?” Shaking my head, he gave me this pout that had me sucking in my lips to hide my laughter. “Then what am I supposed to do when I see you?”

“Say hi and bye, unless you need help with something.” He wanted to go against it, but in the end, agreed with a slight nod. “Um…”

“Hm?” I knew what I wanted to say – I’ve been thinking on it since we entered the club – in the back of my head that is.

“I-I’ll do the survival show.” The smile that came onto his face had calmed me down as it wouldn’t be all that bad, right?

“You’re making the right choice, Yun.” I hope so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, someone commented about Bobby being creepy and I just wanted to know what you guys thought? I mean, he has a goal in mind that I can't let be known right now or else it'll ruin the story, but what are you're thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1/3 of the Survival Show that contains Yun's audition, and some other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and see you next Thursday!

That nervous gut wrenching feeling was back as I stood outside of the practice room that they were holding the interviews in. I dressed in clothes I’ve brought but haven’t worn before wanting to make a nice impression for my return to television, namely MNET. I know how they are with their editing, so I’ve been practicing my answers without even knowing the questions. I’m way too nervous for this.

Last night, I had spent the night over Bobby’s as he said he’d help distract me – yeah, going over my dancing and singing was the perfect distraction. In the end, I was even more worried by his facial expressions. They weren’t bad. They were rather blank, and I know that blank could mean anything, and anything is usually bad. He dropped me off at the company saying that he’d be rooting for me, and that seemed to be the only thing to take some of the weight off my shoulders. This time he’ll be the only one behind me, so it means a lot to me.

The door opened snapping me out of my thoughts as another trainee left the room, his smile falling off his face. Side stepping him, I nodded my head in greeting only for him to scoff. This is why I like training by myself, they all think that they’re too good for everyone else behind the scenes. Entering further in the room, I greeted the staff with a warm practiced smile causing him to smile back telling me to hold on while they hook up my mic. It was a familiar but foreign feeling as hands roamed under my shirt and jacket coming in contact with my bare skin.

“Check the mic, please.” Nodding, I said hello a few times only to get a thumbs up. “Sit in the chair and we’ll focus the camera for you.”

Nodding, again, I climbed into the chair wondering why they had it so high, but it was probably the perfect angle for them. Clearing my throat, I pulled on my jacket straightening it out a few times in a nervous manner. My hands were stuck in between my thighs to try and stop the tremble that continuously ran through them.

“Okay, we’ll start in 3, 2, go.” Licking my lips, they felt uncomfortably dry causing me to mentally curse myself for not bringing my lip balm.

“Name, please?”

“Hello, I’m Song Yunhyeong.” My voice had stabled itself making the staff smile at me. “I’m 24 years old, and I’ve been a trainee under YG for 6 years. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Tell us some things about you, Yunhyeong. Like hobbies, where you grew up, and the likes.”

“I was born Hanam and moved to Seoul with my family during middle school. After moving to Seoul, I went to my first concert which was a 2ne1 concert thanks to my younger sister, and it was there that I realized my passion for music and entertaining. My hobbies include painting, cooking, and making things by hand. Recently I’ve learned how to make slime.” I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubble out of me at the fact that I was so late in learning something so simple.

“Is that why you joined YG?”

“Ah, no not really. I had applied to a bunch of entertainment companies and had gotten plenty of offers, but the fact that YG reached out to me first was a prime reason. I felt as if they instantly saw something in me that others took a while to figure out.” They nodded but it was clear that they didn’t fully understand.

“You were on another survival show before?” I knew it was going to come up, and I really wished it wouldn’t. “Two years ago, correct? It also aired on MNET.”

Nodding, I had to stop my expression from souring as it would be okay. It’s only a question that’ll be followed by more questions that I really don’t want to answer, but it’ll all be fine.

“Yes, I did participate on that program. I’ve even made it to the finals.”

They left it at turning the questions to other things concerning my future and the actual competition. Even going as far to ask if I have any celebrity friends, and I almost slipped up and said Bobby’s name. Once the interview was over, they unhooked my mic telling me to go to the practice room next door for my dancing and singing evaluation. This’ll be the one they show on TV after my introduction.

Leaving the room another trainee had gone in after me, the sound of their voice greeting the staff suddenly knocking me upside my head. My nerves had started to fray once more as I pushed open the door greeting YG and the other guest who was none other than Bobby. Staring at him, my mouth dropped because he didn’t tell me that he was judging for the program.

“Yunhyeong, come in,” Nodding, I stepped onto the white ‘x’ that they had tapped onto the floor.

“Okay cameras roll in 3, 2, 1.” Not knowing what to do with my hands, I held them modestly in front of me as I waited for them to start talking.

“What are you going to show us, Yunhyeong?” I knew I could give them the proper ‘sing and dance’ answer, but with the other in the room my confidence suddenly sky rocketed.

“Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, isn’t that right, sir?” Still keeping it polite, I saw a smirk pull at Bobby’s lips while YG seemed a little taken back.

“I guess, so. You can start whenever you want to.” Nodding, I turned around for the mic as they already had my music pre-set and ready.

With the mic in hand, I licked my lips again motioning for the music to start playing. Unlike the first time I was in the position, I chose a ballad over something poppy. Singing the first words, my voice had rasped out from nervousness at the blank expressions that stared back at me. As the song progressed, I began to hit the high notes that I continually practiced over and over again. They sound flawless, some of them slightly forced, but other than that flawless. When the music started to fad and the words were coming to an end, I put more emotion into it causing the song to seem as if it ended in nothing more than a whisper.

Pulling the mic from my lips, it hung limply at my side causing my eyes to wander up and see a wide smile on Bobby’s face. I could tell that he wanted to clap from how his shoulders kept moving. Looking at Yang, he held a look that boarded between pleased and not-so-pleased.

“Show us your performance.” Okay, well that’s one way to cut the good mood.

Nodding, I handed back the mic and untucking my shirt from my pants I did a small jog to hide my sigh. Rolling my neck and shoulders, I nodded once more for the music to come on. The beat seemed to shake the ground making its way up from my feet to my head that bobbed along to it. I’ve been in this company long enough to know what Yang likes – it doesn’t really take a genius to figure it out. He was a sucker for hip-hop, strong hip-hop not that hip-pop stuff that most groups are throwing out at a fast pace. He caved in to the trends when managing his groups, but his eyes always light up at the thing that made him interested in the music industry in the first place.

The moves were fluid, sharp, and accented with confident, arrogant looks. My body throwing itself into the music until it was the only thing I could fully focus on. It would have been better if I was in my practice clothes which consisted of sweatpants, a long sleeve with a short sleeve over it and old tennis shoes. But impressions matter more than comfort, so I’m going to go harder in these tight pants, untucked button down, suit jacket, and dress shoes that aren’t actual dress shoes. I could hear that the song was coming to an end, so throwing my body in the air like how I’ve practiced many times, I landed with a ground shaking thud.

My eyes were focused only on the two in front of me as they showed the fire inside of me. My chest heaved up and down harshly while I caught my breath, and the fact that my hair had become a mess completed the look. Taking an extra-long deep breath, I came back to realization that this isn’t a monthly evaluation, so rolling my neck once more I straightened myself out. Silence had encased the room, everyone waiting for what Yang or Bobby had to say.

Even the sound of the film crew seemed to be nothing more than above a whisper, and that’s only because of the cameras and typing on a computer.

“It seems that those two extra years of practice really paid off.” Bowing in thanks, I knew that it was best to wait before speaking. “You’ll be in Team B. They need someone who knows what he’s doing.”

He spoke more on other things that I nodded along to without any real thought. When he was done, I thanked him for his time and turning to look at Bobby, he said that I did really well. And that was it, nothing more, nothing less. Sighing, I thanked them again, and turning on my heels I left the room already knowing that the team meet up won’t be until the next shoot. The whole audition thing is lasting for another day and a half, so I get somewhat of a break for now.

Pulling off the band that held the actual mic, I handed it towards a staff member that was just standing around before heading out to the cafeteria. I was too nervous to eat this morning having declined the coffee that the other offered me along with getting a meal. Now that it’s all over and my nerves have calmed, my stomach has finally started it’s uprising. Grabbing a tray, I stepped into the line taking notice of how full the cafeteria now is – it’s practically over flowing with trainees who are already done and those that are waiting.

“He really decided to show up.” Holding the tray out, I thanked the lady who took to filling the small bowl with soup.

“Doesn’t he know that he’s past his prime? Isn’t he embarrassed to be competing with those younger than him?”

“Why would he when his cash cow is judging the program? Whores gravitate towards money.”

“I still can’t see what the other sees in him. He can barely hit a note, and his dancing holds no soul to it, not to mention that he poses the same for every single thing. I bet he can’t even act. Maybe it’s his body? Well, that isn’t all that either.” Their laughter and words knocked at my head telling me that I’m not wanted at all.

Like I care. I’m here for similar reasons that they are, so all this bitter gossip is useless. They’ll be the ones who get the short end of the stick anyway.

Handing over the money for the meal, I picked up my tray heading across the cafeteria towards a corner table only made for two people. Sitting down, their eyes stayed on me still talking to one another as if it mattered. Which it didn’t. My phone had gone off, so digging it out of my pocket I couldn’t help the smile that came onto my face at the message from my cash cow.

‘ _You did so good! Not to mention that you looked amazing in those clothes_ _😉_ _._ ’ He already said that when I showed him my outfit last night.

Texting back a thank you, he told me that he’d drop by my dorm after filming ended which wouldn’t be until around midnight or a little before. Okaying him, I went back to my meal slurping on my soup to get the voices of the others out my head. They seemed to get louder after seeing me on my phone.

“Yah.” A shadow was suddenly next to me making me sigh. “Yah!”

Turning my head, I placed a smile on my face taking in the person who was about to spite me, “Yes?”

“Is it true? Are you the one in the photos with Bobby?” He leaned in forcing me to lean back – kids these days are weird and extremely bold.

“Bobby who?” Feigning innocence, he seemed dumbstruck by it. “I do know the singer Bobby Kim. His music is nice when you take a long relaxing bubble bath. The lyrics can speak to you, you know.”

“This bitch,” It was supposed to be something said inside his head – he must have really loose lips. “Ah, I mean – well.”

“What Team are you in?” Gulping down the rest of my soup, I kept my smile on my face as he didn’t faze me, neither did his rude words.

“Why?” Hm, well, this’ll be fun.

“I hope we end up in the same team, so this bitch can show you why you won’t advance far in life with such a sour attitude.” Picking up my now empty tray, I stood causing him to stumble back at the suddenness. “It was nice talking to you…hm, whoever you are.”

Walking away from him, I put my dirty tray and utensils in the bin for them to be cleaned and leaving the cafeteria I wiped harshly at my mouth. I hate to act out of character, especially like that, but I can’t have people thinking that they can walk all over me. You can say what you will, as long as isn’t to me directly.  

Leaving the company, I made my way to the mostly empty dorms that held only those who hadn’t passed the initial audition. Bypassing their doors, my feet took me to the stairs that I continuously ran up, almost like a challenge to see when I’d lose my breath. Opening my door, the sound of moving and groaning had me slightly stilling before calming down as it can only be the Manager that I never see. He soon came out of his room causing us to greet one another with tight smiles before I left the foyer and went into my room.

Changing into something comfortable, I flopped down in my bed, my fingers working to open my phone. The first thing I did was text my family group chat. I know they said that they couldn’t support me this time seeing as how it had torn me up the last time, but I think that they should at least know that I made it. I’m in a higher level team, and I plan to stay there. The message soon showed that it was read, but that was it – no replies, no emojis, no stickers, nothing. I shouldn’t have even expected more than that.

“I only have Bobby this time. He’s all I have this time.” The true statements rolled around my tongue and hollowed out my mouth.

I don’t know what to feel. I mean, deep down I am sad that they’re not supporting me this time, but at the same time I don’t really care. Like, yes, thank you for your support all these years and raising me, then again, I have someone I really like supporting me so it’s fine, this one time. It’s fine if you don’t support me because I have someone who is willing to do what you won’t. Does that sound harsh? Maybe, weird?

Shrugging the thought away, I started to hum a random basic melody with unknown lyrics as I was making it up on the spot. As I continued to hum, my body relaxed ultimately sending me to sleep mid-song. I’m always falling asleep – maybe it’s my bodies way of showing me that I need to rest.

Turning, or at least trying to, I cracked my eyes opened only to be met with messy hair and cotton clad arms holding me in place. He wasn’t asleep instead on his phone which had me leaned into him more. His breath ghosting over my collarbone that had slipped out of my shirt. I waited to see what he’d do, and it didn’t take long before he was pressing a soft kiss to the skin making me squirm. His head snapped up meeting my ‘oh-shit-I’ve-been-caught’ smile and crinkled eyes.

“How long have you been up?”

“J-Just now. When did you come?” It couldn’t have been that long, especially if he’s still awake.

“It’s been about two hours. I even met the Manager that stays with you from time to time. He was pretty surprised to see me sneaking in here, but promised to keep quiet about it, so it’s fine.” T-Two hours?! How long have I been sleep?

“Oh, really?” I was too shocked to formulate a perfect response.

“Yeah, also Yang was thinking of making some of the companies artist mentors, so I chose Team A. I heard what the trainees were saying, and I don’t want to make it harder on you. I’ll step back until the show is over, okay?”  

“Ah, so you heard, well it’s fine. Their words don’t get to me anyway.” Sighing, I ran my fingers through his hair. “It’s a competition. They need to try and get under my skin, so it’s whatever.”

“Are you sure?” Nodding, his dropped his head, arms squeezing me tighter in reassurance. “I’m supporting you, so their words shouldn’t matter, right?”

“R-Right.”

Yeah, he’s right. As long as he’s supporting me then no one else words will matter. Not even theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trainees can be as mean as Netizens , the only difference is that they actually say it to your face. Also, Bobby Kim is an old school singer who, from what I've seen, isn't active anymore but he does OSTs from time to time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2/3 of the Survival Program

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of stuff is going on right now, but that shouldn't deter us from supporting our boys and others who work just as hard. I hope everyone has an eventful Valentine's day and enjoys themselves. I'll see you guys next Thursday.

We’re halfway through the competition, and as the leader of my group, I’m finally starting to feel the pressure earlier on than I did the last time. We’ve been cruising through so far with high praise and good marks, but now that we’re getting closer to the actual audience performances, I can’t help it. I’ve been having us do extra practices and I keep going to the studio to check on the recording and what the MR will sound like. I can’t have us fall through right now.

“Leader calm down. It’ll all be fine.” Turning my head, I took in the sweaty second eldest, who’s a year younger than me. “We’ve got this, okay?”

Nodding, I smiled at him glad that he had basically told me that everyone can see that I’m on edge. I need to calm down. There are too many cameras and after seeing how they’ve been editing me I don’t need anymore comments telling me that I shouldn’t be so stuck up. That I’m not even all that great, so I should lead in silence rather than trying to always make a “scene”. Sadly, these so called scenes that I’ve been making are only me kindly guiding the members into fixing their postures and dance moves.

People are never happy. Especially when it comes to their favs getting scolded, when they’re obviously in the wrong.

“Let’s practice one last time, then we can take a break!” A new found energy surged through the room as the 5 other members got into their places.

Heading to the mirror, I squatted down to get a good look at everything and to be sure that when I joined them after the break ends that our spacing is perfect. Pressing play on my phone, the song started to follow out of the smaller speaker next to me. I could have hooked it to the computer and let one of the staff members control it, but I need to stop it when there’s something wrong, so that it can be fixed.

Not even a second after that thought passed, I stopped the music noticing that something was off with one of the younger members.

“Redo that move again, everyone.” The air thickened at the stiffness in my voice, the sound of a camera zooming in had me releasing a breath.

Re-watching them do that move, I had to swallow the scoff because we’ve been going over this part almost all day and the fact that he still isn’t getting it has me a little upset.

“KJ,” At the mention of his name, he froze causing the members around him to glance towards him, “why are you going left when everyone else is going right? It makes everyone else look wrong when that isn’t the case. Go right.”

Motioning with my head to the right, he nodded making me look over the others, they’re all dripping in sweat and their bodies were tight. Let’s just finish this and eat. I’ll pull KJ to the side and talk with him about it before we go to eat. Starting the music over, they finally started to flow in sync, and at the fact that a smile had come onto my face they seemed to relax some more. When the song came to an end, I stood saying that I’d buy us lunch since they’ve been working so hard.

“Chicken!” They went into an uproar over the suggest, so nodding I agreed to that.

“I’ll order it! Yunhyeong Hyung will pay!” Snorting, they ran out of the room in a hurry of limbs and growling stomachs.

Well, all except for one. He stood still in the middle of the sweat soaked practice room, body going to the left only to shake his head and go right. Standing by the computer, I watched him passively as I knew he couldn’t see me even though I’m right behind him. I was that exact same way when I got close to cracking. Everyone was nothing more than blurry figures and white noise while I continuously practiced fixing my mistakes, even denying the help of others. But unlike me, he’ll accept the help and that’s the only difference.

“KJ, let’s go eat.” Placing my hand on his shoulder, he jumped turning to look at me as if he had seen a ghost. “I’ll help you after we get some food in you, okay?”

“O-Okay.” A wide smile had come onto my face making a small one come onto his. “Thank you, Hyung.”

“Aww, you’re so cute.” Squishing his cheeks, I pulled him along with me to the cafeteria where the others are surely waiting. “Don’t over work yourself, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I won’t, Hyung. I just – I don’t want to bring the team down because of my mistakes.”

“That’s why we’re a team, right? Your mistakes are our mistakes meaning that we’ll do whatever to fix them until it’s perfect. So, don’t shoulder it by yourself and if you need help just ask. I’m your Leader for a reason. I’ll do whatever I can to help.” A hiccup had us both stopping and turning around to see one of the cameramen. “I almost forgot that they follow us everywhere.”

“Same.”

Stepping into the cafeteria, we caught sight of other trainees already eat and our members staring anxiously at the door in wait for the scooter to pull up. Sitting down, I pulled out my wallet ready to pay for the feast that they surely ordered, but it’s fine, they deserve it from working so hard. When the scooter pulled up, I headed outside to meet him and after paying for the food, I took the three bags making my way back to our table. Once the bags were sat down, they started tearing into them passing down boxes and chopsticks as to not contaminate the food with their sweaty hands.

There’s always a bathroom, but food seems to be the most important right now, so I won’t say anything. Taking the chopsticks that they handed to me, I snatched a drumstick sticking the crispy, golden, oily piece into my mouth with a smile. Chewing on it absentmindedly, my phone vibrated causing me to pull it out taking notice of a message that contained no more than a link. I really wish people would stop sending me links – it helps nobody.

Clicking on said link, an article popped up causing my chewing to slow down some as I scrolled down to read the title. I really can’t get a break.

‘ ** _Trainee pictured with YG rapper Bobby is in new YG survival program_** ’

Scrolling down more, there was the survival show’s logo and a bunch of words explaining things such as their source and whatnot. I stopped myself once I got to the bottom of the page not wanting to ready the comments that would say more hurtful things. I already get enough shit – I really don’t need anymore.

Finishing my drumstick, I could feel the eyes on my standing figure, they were heavy and judging as per usual. My members eyes were only on the food not even caring to answer their heavily vibrating phones. A sigh passed my lips, their heads whipping towards me in wait for me to speak, but I only shrugged shaking my head. Me speaking isn’t going to change anything right now, so it doesn’t matter. Grabbing another piece of chicken, my teeth sunk into it heavy snatching the meat from the bone. It looked harsh, but in reality, it felt like nothing.

“You guys continue eating. I’m going to set up the microphones, so we can finish practicing.” They all nodded allowing me to excuse myself, chicken unfinished soon to be tossed in the trash.

“Yunhyeong?” Turning, I caught sight of our mentor, Hanbin, he had fierce eyes that soften incredibly whenever he wasn’t in the studio or helping us. “Are you okay? You look pale.”

“I’m fine.” Continuing my walk, I entered the practice room with him following behind me. “Are you hear for the check?”

“Mhm, yeah. I’ve been hearing you guys all day, so I decided why not come in and help with any last minute things. The performance is tomorrow, right?” Nodding, I took ahold of six mics turning each one on individually to make sure it was still connected to the system. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Eating in the cafeteria.” He seemed thrown off by my short answers and hostility, but like he said the performance is tomorrow and this is a competition.

Silence had fallen over us as I continued to set everything up, even the MR because I need to be sure that the members are on the right notes. I didn’t expect him to say anything, especially with the staff replacing the film and being in the room. But the moment he stepped closer to me, hand covering the mic I forgot was attached me, I had an idea about what his next words were.

“I know,” It was nothing more than a whisper that had my heart beating loudly, “Bobby’s got this, so don’t run away,” his hand came to my shoulder squeezing slightly, “you two are cute together.”

“How would you know?” I couldn’t help but become stiff – Bobby said that no one would know until I’m ready for them to know.

“A drunk Bobby is a talkative Bobby, especially when he has tons of photos in his phone and someone to gush over.” It’s cute, but no. “Don’t worry, you guys got this.”

Removing his hand from the mic, he spoke louder stepping away from me slightly, a wide smile on his face, “I mean, I am your mentor.”

Mouthing a ‘yeah, okay’ to him, he patted my shoulder once more before going to set up a chair so that he could watch us. Everyone else soon flooded into the room with chicken grease on their lips and confusion on their faces. They weren’t expecting Hanbin – heck, even I wasn’t, but it’s too late to go back now. He had gotten hooked up with his own mic, so all we really had to do is wait until the cameras started to roll again.

Once the signal was given, they had him re-enter the room making us act surprised at his sudden visit. I didn’t give into it instead greeting him again with a blank expression on my face. Since he was in the room, we had one of the staff members controlling the music, and then we were beginning. I fit into my spot nicely and as the members moved better than before around me, I couldn’t help the smirk that came onto my face.

As the other members sang and rapped, I stared in the mirror checking everything over in a subtle but very obvious way, and when my parts came, I moved to the front giving as much as they did. The song seemed to end pretty fast leaving us in the ending position with our chest heaving and smiles on our faces. We had learned from the last check that we needed to work on our facial expressions. It doesn’t matter if we’re facing the camera or not.

“I can tell that you’ve been working hard,” Sighing in relief, I motioned for them to release the pose and sit down. “Everyone’s parts fit them better this time, and it’s nice to see that everyone is in sync and isn’t struggling.”

A smile had made it’s way onto my face causing my head to hang in order to hide it. He continued to talk to us saying the small things that we should fix such as our breathing and the fact that a few of us looked tired. We went over the dance slowly once more with him watching and fixing things, and when he said it was perfect, we all bowed thanking him. He left afterwards causing me to step forward staring at them fondly.

“One more practice, then everyone head back to the dorms. We need to be well rested and prepared for tomorrow. The judges are more prominent and closer to Yang’s level than the judges we usually get meaning that we need to take this seriously. If you need help with anything, I’m willing to stay after and help.” They all nodded, immediately falling back into position as I started the music over.

Even with practice over and the camera crew gone, I stayed after working on myself. The rest of the members ran out saying that they needed showers and we’re going to work on their lines in their dorm rooms. I agreed telling them to call or text me if they needed anything, and I got the same answer that I always got, ‘okay’. It was a basic word that was said all the time, but for some reason it gave me some type of relief. I don’t know why, but it just did.

“The comments are right. You’re face completely changes depending on the type of music.” Jumping at the voice, we looked at each other through the mirror, neither of us moving from our spots.

“What comments? The only comments I see aren’t really all that kind.” Running my fingers through my hair, I licked my dry lips before digging in my pocket for my lip balm, applying it generously.

“Want me to show you? I saved it.” He took a step deeper in the room causing me to shake my head. “What? I can’t be around you now?”

“I’m sure you’ve seen the article.” A lump had formed in my throat making me swallow it thickly. “J-Just send it to me and go. I’m sure your team is waiting on your mentoring.”  

I know I sound mean, but now really isn’t the time, and he knows that. A hard scoff left him as he turned on his leaving the practice room, the door slamming heavily behind him. The crew might have left and moved to the other practice rooms, but it didn’t mean that the staff wouldn’t notice him being around me – someone who he isn’t mentoring. My phone went off, so backing away from the mirror I went towards my phone that rested on the bench next to my things.

_[+102 –5] Woah…Song Yunhyeong’s expressions are amazing! They change from soft to fierce in only a matter of seconds._

A hundred and two people agreed with this person and five people didn’t. Well, thanks, I guess.

Finishing up my practice, I went back to my dorm room heading straight into the bathroom for a long awaited shower. Stripping quickly, my clothes were thrown askew in the bathroom landing everywhere that water wasn’t coming out of. Once I was in, I closed my eyes softly singing the song under my breath making sure that I knew the words. We have rehearsal at six in the morning, then we have to get re-fitted in case anything has changed since the last fitting. Filming for the actual stage doesn’t start until around one, so I might squeeze in a smaller rehearsal in the dressing room after we put our clothes on to be sure that they give us enough movement.

“Stop thinking for once, Yun.” I’m starting to talk to myself a lot these days, but it gets the job done.

I had ended up relaxing my body way too much, so when I stepped out of the shower everything felt like jelly. So, going about this easily, I slipped on some underwear before face-planting onto my mattress letting sleep run it’s course on me like it usually did.

Waking up before my alarm, I slipped on my usual practice attire and a hat not caring to take care of my face that looked horrible. I sighed up for this, so it’s fine. Hiking my bag up on my shoulders, I left my dorm room immediately catching sight of my members groggily trudging down the hall towards me. Greeting them, I got silent head nods in return that had me hiding my laughter as we took the stairs together. The walk was at a leisure pace not wanting to rush them anymore than I had to. They’ll do great – we’ll do great.

The venue had been upped from the company to a studio, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to see trainees going towards the rows of vans that held a sign for each team. Moving towards the one for Team B, I opened the door allowed everyone else to get in before me, counting to be sure that everyone had gotten on. Once my check was done, I closed the back door climbing into the front seat on account of there not being anymore room back there. No one is going to say anything even if there was.

Arriving at the studio, we moved quickly taking a hold of our tags for rehearsal before sitting in the audience as Team A started their rehearsal. Everything seemed to move quickly after that and before I knew it, we were on standby waiting to make our way onto the stage. The host was running through the judges comments for Team A and with our in-ears in all we could do is listen. They soon came down looking as though their souls had been sucked out of them, only to smile a second later at the cameras and telling us to do well.

“We got this guys, come on.” Ushering them in front of me, the air was even thicker than I remembered it being making my heartbeat harshly in my chest.

Moving to the middle of the stage, I looked everyone over with a small smile, “Greetings.”

We all bowed greeting the judges who looked on us with faint smiles and otherwise blank eyes. They must not want to be here, but they’re getting paid and more exposure, so they can’t just leave. Scanning over them, I saw that Bobby was staring dead at me, eyes hardened causing me to look away. I can’t be caught looking at him, especially with the article blowing up in the last few hours. The director gathered our attention, so bringing my mic to my lips I prepared to speak the commentary I’ve gone over at least a hundred times in my head.

“We were challenged with going against our normal song selection which were the usual cutesy song in favor of doing something more grown up. We hope you enjoy our performance.” I had shortened it considerably not wanting to hold up others with their chance.

“We’ll look forward to it.” Smiling at the judge, I gathered my members giving them one last word of encouragement before getting in our places.

Standing with our legs shoulder length part, our bodies were slightly reclined back and the moment the smooth beat came through all our expressions changed to something sultrier. Our bodies swayed with the beat before moving to the right as our main vocal started to sing the lyrics in a lower voice than normal. The performance progressed extremely well, dim lighting doing well for our bodies that were slowly becoming drenched in our own sweat from such limited movement.

After the rapper had gone, I slowly strutted my way to the front legs going one in front of the other and eyes sharp as I stared at the judges in front of us. The other members soon formed a triangle with me being the point our bodies moving in sync while I sung my part. Tilting my head back, I licked my lips biting on the bottom one before making my way to the back over the group as the next member had gone. We should only be getting high praise, and nothing else with how well we are doing. The song ended and we did our pose smiles and lidded-eyes covering all our faces before we broke and lined back up with me at the end towards the exit.

The judges started giving their commentary, majority of them beginning with ‘woah’ and ending with ‘good job’. It seemed that only one person wasn’t all on board with giving us our due, and it just had to be him.

“I don’t have much to comment on, but Yunhyeong,” My head snapped up, smiling being instantly wiped off my face, “do you take this competition seriously?” My mouth opened but nothing came out. “I expected more from you as the leader. Your part was lacking in terms of volume and vocals, it seems that you were too busy trying to fit into the song to realize it. I really expected more, especially from you. Everyone did a good job. Great performance!”

I was stuck staring at him with my mouth open because everything was perfect. I could hear myself loud and clear in my in-ear as well as everyone else, so what is he getting at?

The other members thanked the judges for their commentary, soon pulling my frozen figure off the stage and past the other team waiting. My stomach started to churn as I went over the performance in my head, especially my own part. I did a good job, right? Everyone else said so meaning that I did a good job, right? I did well and I was content, but after his words those feelings had left me just as quickly as they had come.

“Hyung, don’t listen to him, okay? You looked so good and wild on stage, even your deeper voice was super sexy. You did a great job.” They had pulled into a corner surrounding me in wait for a response.

“C-Could you hear me?” Blinking slowly, I took in their expressions, but I couldn’t figure it out.

“Yes, we heard you just fine. Your words were as clear as ever.”

Tilting my head, I swallowed my next few questions knowing that they’d just tell me what I wanted to hear rather than what I needed to hear. Placing a smile on my face, I told them how great of a job they had done before ushering them towards the waiting room where the rest of the teams were. They had gotten loud upon seeing us saying that we did such a good job with our new concept and whatnot. Nodding, I took my seat on the edge already knowing that they’d be calling us for interviews in a few seconds, so there is really no need to get comfortable.

They took the younger members first, making their way up to the oldest, me. Once I stepped in the room, mic already attached and a seldom look on my face they all held this apologetic looks. I don’t know why – it isn’t going to help anybody. Sitting on the stool, I cleared my throat ready for their questions.

“How do you feel about your performance?” My throat had become dry at the question I knew they’d ask.

“My team did a great job, and I’m really glad that we got to show the viewers another side of ourselves.” It was a textbook answer, but it’s the best I can give right now.

“You got commentary from Bobby. How do you feel about it?”

How do I feel? Like shit, but they don’t really need to know that.

Leaning forward on my knees, I dropped my head before sitting up, throwing my head back to stop my eyes from watering. It’s literally nothing. I just feel so embarrassed because they were expecting more from me and I didn’t give it to them. He was expecting more, and in the end, I failed him, my only support system. No, calm down and think on it later, now isn’t the time. They’re waiting.

“I feel sorry for my team. That’s all I’ll ever feel.” Taking my answer as is, they nodded asking me other basic questions about our next performance and blah.

Giving them short answers, my throat had started to tighten until the mic was off of me and I was released. I could have gone back to the waiting room with everyone else, instead I stepped into our dressing room wanting to be alone for a minute. Pulling a chair into the corner under the camera, I faced into it dropping my head into my hands this time to cover my face. The camera could only get the back of the chair, but I still don’t need them to edit it so that it seems like I’m crying for no reason.

Time passed slowly like that with me in the corner calming down my rapidly racing heart and bad thoughts. The door had suddenly opened, Hanbin’s concerned voice filling my ears, but I didn’t turn around. I kept my head down in my hands because his words wouldn’t make a difference to the turmoil that’s happening on the inside. All his words will do is put a fake smile on my face and send me into the room with the others. I’m tired, and I want to go back to the dorms.

“What’s wrong?” Pulling a chair next to me, he placed a soft hand on my shoulder rubbing comforting circles into the area. “Is it about what Bobby said?” I didn’t answer him. “You’re the best leader Team B could ask for, and you did everything correctly, so don’t take it to heart. You have a week until the next performance meaning that you can fix whatever needs to be fixed. This isn’t the end, Yunhyeong, it’s the beginning to something even bigger, okay?”

Digesting his words, I took a deep breath lifting my head to look at him. He’s wearing his usual smile – must be nice. All I could do is nod to his words not wanting to dismiss them easily. He’s right. This isn’t the end, I still have other chances although eliminations start with the next performance. I’ll just work even harder.

Thanking him, we both stood, and he pulled me into a hug that I really didn’t need. When we broke apart, I left heading into the waiting room taking the end seat next to my members who watched the team perform with enthusiasm. I sometimes forget how different we are. They’re watching people they’ve been with for the last few years, while I chose to go on that show then be alone. Those that I’ve trained with have all moved onto bigger and better things leaving poor ol’ me behind. I really am the unwanted one.

Filming had ended on a rather apathetic note. Changing back into my clothes, I handed off the clothes to the stylists as I gathered everyone telling them to head out to the van. On our way, we had caught sight of Hanbin and Bobby talking. Everyone else bowed in respect wishing them both a good night seeing how it’s pass midnight, but I did no such thing, not even sparing them a single glance. The door opening harshly under my hand.

Over the last few hours, that pitying feeling I felt for myself had turned into a subtle anger that I had been hiding rather well. Not sparing them a chance to ask me any questions, I ushered them into the van closing the door a little softer than when I had opened the other one. Taking my seat in the front once more, the manager pulled off saying that we had tomorrow off meaning that we didn’t have to worry about filming or playing any games to choose our next song.

“Hyung, is everything okay? You’re clenching your jaw rather tightly.” Relaxing the tension in my jaw, I nodded patting my face to come up with an excuse.

“I’m just tired, that’s all.” Getting a hum in response, I had a feeling that these next few days won’t be going all that smoothly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be the first smut update, so um yeah, look forward to that, I guess. Also, I made Yunhyeong kind of close to how Hanbin was during WIN Era since he's their mentor for this, and KJ is an OC.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small break from the competition and some smut - to be honest, I'm horrible at summaries, so bear with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM! Another Thursday = another update! 
> 
> Also, I'm getting better at writing smut, even though it took me like three days to get it somewhat close to how I wanted it to be without being overly cringe and blah. I think I'm at the point where a lot of my stories from now on will have smut in them, especially if it fits the theme of it, but if it doesn't then don't worry about it. I've gone four years without writing it, so - I'm rambling, anyway enjoy and see you next update.

Everyone went straight to bed once we had gotten back. Limbs, eyes, and anything else that once held life were drowned in tiredness, so it was no surprise. I slept longer than I normally did, waking up after noon, startled and confused only to remember that we didn’t film today. A heavy sigh of relief passed my lips before I crawled out of bed, heading straight towards the bathroom as I didn’t have it in me to do that before going to bed.

After a nice relaxing shower, and allowing myself some self-care, I walked into the kitchen ready to scrap something together while my face mask dried. Well, that was until I heard knocking, more like banging, on the front door. Taking a deep breath, it was probably one of the members looking to eat or needing help with something, so I calmed myself down not caring to take off my mask. Opening the door, I choked on air as I came face-to-face with this huge stuffed bear, but by the hands holding it, I knew who’s behind it.

“What do you want?” The anger from last night, had me crossing my arms over my chest and glaring through the white eye-holes of the mask.

“Bobby wants to apologize for yesterday.” He was speaking in third person making my eyes roll to the back of my head. “Can you please accept it and me?”

“Me? Who are you?” Deciding to play along, I knew he couldn’t stay in the hallway for long before the others started to stir.

“Mr. Love. I help spread happy feelings and positive vibes to those that the other cares deeply for.”

It took everything in me not to scoff and kick him out of the doorway. That’s way too corny even for my standards, and I like corny stuff – when I’m not angry that is.

“Well, Mr. Love, you can tell Bobby that his apology won’t be accepted until he says it to my face. Other than that, he can leave, and you can stay.” Reaching out, I took ahold of it’s sides ready to pull him out of the others grasp, only to have him step in pulling me forward.

For a second, all I could see was artificial fur before it was being replaced with lips on my own and hair, that needed to be cut, dangling in my eyes. The door clicked closed behind him as he pressed into the kiss hard making the bear slip from in between us. It landed on my bare feet making me jump a little at the feeling.

“Sorry, I was being petty yesterday. You did a great job and I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” His arms wrapped themselves tightly around my waist causing me to lean back so that we could see one another.

“Why were you being petty? I did nothing for you to do such a thing.” Searching his face, he wouldn’t meet my eyes for anything. “Do you know how tore up I was thinking that I brought my team down and how sorry I felt towards them? It took me hours before I could go back to the waiting room, and even then, Hanbin had to encourage me to do so.”  

“Because we couldn’t be around each other, and when I got the chance, you’d push me away.” Opening my mouth, I was about to tell him things he already knew, but he cut me off. “Not to mention, that you were practically giving yourself to the other judges while performing. I want to be the only one you look at like that.” A pout had graced his lips and I couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling out of me because he looked weird.

“I just want to finish this show and debut, Bobby, that’s why I’m trying to stop more articles from coming out. It isn’t like I don’t want to be around you, and it’s a song, stop overthinking everything.” Yeah, I say that to him when I’m the one overthinking everything.

“So…apology accepted?” Scooping the bear into my arms, I struggled some bringing it from the foyer into the hallway.

“I guess.” Continuing down the hall, bear clutched tightly in my arms, I passed the kitchen heading into my bedroom tossing said bear on my bear. “It looks like a human.”

Leaving Mr. Love by himself, I went into the kitchen ready to defeat the hunger that I had pushed to the back of my stomach. The other had taken to leaning against the counter watching me passively. I didn’t mind as it did nothing to distract me from the task at hand, so he can stare all he wants. There weren’t many things in the fridge, so grabbing some lunch meat, vegetables, and some bread, among other things, I decided to make myself a sandwich.

“Want one?”

“I already ate.” Oh, so this is what we’re doing now. “Sorry, I thought you’d still be asleep, so I didn’t think about getting you anything. To be honest, I was expecting to see that Manager instead of you.”

Wiping the sour look off my face, I continued to make my sandwich lightly humming to help the process go faster. When my sandwich was done and cute into two triangles, I quickly washed the dishes that I had been using before grabbing my plate and a water bottle, going back into my room.

I don’t eat in the living room because I feel kind of lonely doing so; plus, my room is way comfier.

Flopping onto my bed, he followed sitting on the edge rather far away from where I am. I didn’t really think much on it instead munching on my sandwich while leaning into the bear that felt really good. He did a great job picking this apology present out. Glancing at him, his head was focused in his phone trying to read something rather intensely to the point that his piercing moved down. He’s probably really bored. I mean, we don’t really talk during the day unless we’re in the company, and whenever he spends the night, he leaves before I wake up, so this is awkward in a sense.

I think I got a puzzle or board game that we can play, or is that too childish? My dorm doesn’t have a TV, and I have my laptop, but then we’d be crammed together trying to watch something that probably isn’t even good – my phone would be even worse.

Stuffing the rest of my sandwich in my mouth, I continued to think on it while I stood heading into the kitchen to dispose of my plate before going into the bathroom. Taking off my still damp mask, I sadly tossed it into the garbage, patting the moisture into my skin. I brushed my teeth again, and even used mouthwash afterwards because he probably doesn’t want to be so close when my breath smells like meat and salad. I wouldn’t for him, I think? Why am I overthinking this? It’s nothing. We’re going to have fun, I hope.

“Um, want to do a puzzle or play a board game?” He lifted his head slowly still reading before turning to look at me with a small smile. “Sorry, there isn’t really a lot to do around here. We can go to your place if you want, since you have that new game system and like three TVs, and game systems to go with those TVs…”

Realizing that I was rambling, I cut myself off with a large grin waiting for his answer that was no more than him licking his lips. I watched him curiously as he shook his head motioning for me to come over to him. Doing just that, he tossed his phone onto the floor, hands grabbing my own quickly flipping our positions. Instead of standing, I was somewhat back to my original position laying against Mr. Love while he hovered above me, hands gripping Mr. Love’s legs tightly. A sly look on his face.

“Let’s just stay here, okay?” Oh – _oh_. Well, this is an unthinkable turn of events.

We kiss, a lot, and sometimes make out, but it’s never gone farther than that. He unleashed one of Mr. Love’s legs using it to run it up my side over my shirt. Soon his head dipped down, lips attached themselves to my own in a slow kiss that felt somewhat hurried. Tilting my head up, I moaned into the kiss causing his tongue to slip in between my lips. It rolled around in my mouth, lightly playing with my own tongue, only to pointedly run across the roof of my mouth. A shiver ran down my spine at the ticklish feeling that it left behind before his lips had distracted me once more.

The hand running up and down my side, slide lower until it was lightly playing with the band of my sweatpants pulling and snapping it against my skin, ultimately waking me up, “W-Wait…”

“Hmm?” Pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth, he slowly moved heading towards my cheek.

“I-I think we should end this he-here,” He pulled away, hooded eyes staring straight into my own.

“I’ll be gentle, Yun, so don’t worry, okay?” That isn’t the reason why I think we should stop.

“N-No that isn’t it. It’s just that we’re getting to know one another still and I really like you, so I don’t want to do this knowing that things could always go left. We aren’t even a thing, right?” I felt like a prude, but I don’t want my feelings to be dismissed, especially if I find out that this is all he was after.

I’ve been in this position many times since I decided that this was the path that I wanted to take, and after having my heartbroken more than once, I can’t help but become conscious. He makes me really happy, although these last few weeks have been hard, he still brings a smile to my face no matter what. I think I’ll give up on music all together if I figure out that this is all a joke, and that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. Ugh, why is this so complicated?

“I love you.” My eyes enlarged at his words that sounded nothing but sincere.

“H-Huh?” Lowering himself, a child-like smile covered his features mimicking the fondness that had taken over his eyes momentarily. “Y-You what?”

“I love you. I’ve been in love with you since you’ve decided to give me the time of day.” A quick kiss was pressed to my forehead, then my cheeks, followed by my nose. “You’re the only thing on my mind at all times, and the fact that we can be like this makes me extremely happy. If I could actually give you my heart, I would. That’s how much I love you.”

He ended his confession by pressing his lips against my own once more, only this time it was hungry and unlike the usual kisses we shared. Although stuck on the heart he had put into his words, I kissed back eagerly as hungry making him smile into it before breaking us apart, chests heaving with the air we sucked in. His hand ran back under my shirt touching wherever they pleased until it was bunched under my armpits.

“Your skin is so,” My stomach jumped, rolled, and flipped under his feather like touches, “untouched.”

A small snicker left me at the adjective he had chosen to use. I had to stop myself from saying that its been a while since I’ve last had sex with anyone, but I had this feeling that he’d be mad? I don’t really know, but I really don’t want to have the how many partners conversation in the midst of trying to do it. I haven’t been with many people anyway, so, ugh, I don’t know.

“I want to mark you so bad, but you have filming tomorrow.”

He continued to talk about my body making a furious blush come onto my face that ran slightly down my chest. I’m so embarrassed by the praise because I don’t even think highly of myself, not even a sixteenth of what he thinks. I like to gauge myself at the average mark, or a little bit below, so this is kind of uncomfortable.

“S-Stop~,” Squirming, he glanced up at me from his position above my sweatpants, a wink following our eye contact. “…embarrassing…”

“Oh, is it?” It wasn’t a question, although it was posed as one.

My sweatpants were inched down my legs causing me to become somewhat stiff even though he was being as gentle as it could get. Once they were fully off and tossed onto the floor, his shirt quickly followed, a series of soft kisses being pressed into my stomach before continuing towards the band of my off-brand underwear. It might not seem like anything, but the expensive pair of branded underwear peeking out over his jeans had me feeling conscious once more. 

I’m basically a broke washed up trainee, and he’s the rich rapper of everyone’s dreams. It seems kind of mystifying how we’d end up together doing this, and more.

“You shave?” A loud gasped left me, my knees quickly pulling my legs closed having forgotten about that detail – should I even have mentioned it? “Aw, don’t get shy, baby. It’s actual hot as fuck.”

_Baby_ – why does it sound so good rolling off of his lips?

“I – yes.” Pushing my knees apart, he moved them so that they were almost touching my stomach.

“When did you start?” Why are we having such an embarrassing conversation right now? “I don’t judge, Yun.”

“It’s been a while. I sweat a lot from practicing, so I-I decided to minimize the odor by reducing majority of what the sweat soaks into.” He hummed, fingers hooking into the band of my underwear, snatching them off in one fluid motion. “I-I trim my armp- no never mind, that’s tmi, sorry.”

“Nothing’s tmi when it comes to you, Yun. I want to know everything, okay?” I didn’t answer too distracted by how close his face was to my private parts. “I can mark here, right? No one’s going to see it, right?”

The grip on my thighs had tightened to an almost bruising grip making me nod because no one should be seeing them. Well, besides me.

“You got lube and a condom?” Oh, I complete forgot that those are needed.

Moving Mr. Love’s arms, I opened the side drawer finding a year old practically brand new bottle that I brought on a whim one time. No condoms, though, besides the empty box that had been used rather quickly if I remember correctly. That fling was a really good one – why am I thinking about that now? Focus, idiot.

“Lube, no condom.” Tossing him the bottle, he shrugged, popping the bottle open and coating his fingers.

“I’ll just pull out.”

My soul had left me at his words because I’ve never not done it without protection. Of course, I’ve thought about it, but I haven’t acted on it. Why is he so comfortable saying it? He’s probably had plenty of unprotected sex; I mean, come on, he’s Bobby. I’ve seen videos of girls and guys throwing themselves at him over the smallest of glances and waves. I don’t know much about his sex life since that isn’t in the blogs and other gossip sights, but it’s still a little unnerving. Maybe, we shouldn’t do this?

Pushing myself up, I rested on my elbows ready to tell him that we probably shouldn’t, once again, only to have a moan being ripped out of my throat. I never knew how long his fingers were until now. While using one finger to start stretching me, he sucked bruising kisses into my thighs, biting on a few of them. Another finger soon entered drawing a hiss from my lips at the burning feeling of being stretched even wider. At my noise, he laughed against my leg continuing his actions of taking small chunks out of my thigh.

By the time he had added a third finger, my inner thighs were riddled with different sized hickeys. He was plunging his fingers in deeper than I originally thought they would go. Digging my fingers into the sheets, I tried my hardest to breath, but he just wanted me to die without a care in the world. His other hand had wrapped itself around my shaft jerking it languidly as if it was the most uninteresting thing ever.

“Can I go in?” He sounded like he was asking if he could get in a pool, and not another human’s body. “I’ll continue being gentle.”

“Of co- ah, yeah!” Ripping his fingers out, I couldn’t help the whine that fell from my lips, head falling back to meet artificial fur and a hefty amount of stuffing.

Shaking down his pants, only his dick and balls hung out causing my eyes to stare at it for longer than I normally would care to. “Like what you see?”

Diverting my eyes to look at the ceiling, his laughter seemed to make my chest warm, although the situation isn’t one to be laughing in. Taking ahold of my thighs once more, he pushed on them until his hands had slid up, resting in my inner knee. Fixing his position, I watched as he slowly slid in causing my breath to become stuck in my throat. Unintentionally becoming stiff at the stretch, burn, and pressure that it had put in my ass.

“W-WaIt!” Digging my nails into his shoulder, he stretched his neck to meet my contorted face. “I-I can’t…p-pull out!”

Small kisses and comforting circles in my waist did nothing to deter the pain that I’m in. I might not be able to walk tomorrow, and I really don’t want to answer those questions.

“Yes, you can. Just relax.” He whispered in my ear causing my head to fall in between us. “I’m not even fully in.” That’s not the point. “Want me to thrust it in at once?”

“N-No! You better not,” Glaring at him, he only kissed my eyes before his hips were pressed flatly against my own. “UGH! Fuck! D-Don’t m-move.”

“I won’t,” There was air in his words, and a muttering of it being tight. “Tell me when.”

Taking a few deep breathes, I waited a few seconds becoming used to the feeling of a dick in my ass, again. Licking my lips, I met his eyes giving him a small nod to move. He pulled out, my walls trying to go back to their original shape, only for him to slowly thrust back in pulling them apart. Being used to fast, hard, quick, and more than one round, this was way different from what I remembered, but it felt really good.

Long, deep, slow strokes was all that he would give me causing my eyes to lose focus as he continuously rubbed against that one spot. A sweat had broken out over his forehead, eyes staring only at his hips that rolled slowly to meet my own. The sheets were doing nothing to stop my soul, that had just returned, from leaving my body once more, so instead I gripped tightly at his arms. The muscles in them rock hard and the veins protruding as he kept himself from either falling on me or loosing whatever last bit of self-control that he had.

Letting go of one arm, I used that hand to cover my mouth not wanting him to find my sounds disgusting. “Stop, I want to hear you.” Grabbing my hand, he intertwined our fingers, pushing them down into Mr. Love’s leg. “Waah, mhm, you’re just sucking me in.”

I wanted to hide as his words are turning me on even more.

“F-FaA-,” His hips started to snap forward causing the words I wanted to say to become cut off with a loud gasp, my bottom lip becoming stuck in my teeth. “BOBBY~!”

“What? You like that?” A short nod was all I could manage before my eyes were rolling back along with my head. “Baby, I asked if you liked it?” Each word punctuated with an even harder thrust, and I just knew that I wasn’t going to last long if he kept going like this.

“Yes~! Fuck, yes!”

He stopped, readjusting himself on the bed before leaning back down, this time on his elbow causing our faces to be closer. Using his unoccupied hand, he ran it down my stomach, pressing light towards the bottom making me clenched up at the pressure he was applying. Child-like laughter spilled from his lips and into my ear before whispering, “I can feel myself. Ah, damn, you feel so fucking good.”

“Tell me, what do you want, Yun?” His hand slid lower, brushing over the sensitive skin of my groin and lightly hitting my dick.

Opening my mouth to tell him, he only smiled before kissing me, shoving his tongue down my throat. Why ask if you aren’t going to let me answer? He started to devour my mouth, until whatever air I had left in my lungs slowly started to fade away making me bounce my hips in an effort for him to let up. He didn’t really go far, only removing his lips as a groan fell from his lips and into my mouth at my actions. “Do you want it that bad?”

“W-Want wHAT?!” Fixing himself once more, he tossed my legs over his shoulder, hand gripping tightly at my shaft giving it slow strokes to match in time with his thrusts. “ASSHOLE!”

“But I’m in your – never mind.” Stuffing my face in Mr. Love’s leg, tears slowly slide into the material as the tight feeling in my stomach had started to become unbearable. “Yun?” I feel back for his skin because my fingers will not let up – knees or back. “Look at me.”

‘No’, muffled into the leg, he squeezed the base of my dick hard causing more pre-cum to leak out at the harsh treatment. “Look. At. Me.” Finally, meeting his eyes, a few more tears slid down my face at the smirk that graced his own. “Love you.”

Nodding, I hoped he’d let go, but luck wasn’t on my side, yet, “Do you love me? Hm, baby, do you?”

I – Mhm, I guess, I do. I mean, if I like you a lot, doesn’t that mean that I love you? Does that correlate?

His hips picked up speed while waiting for my answer causing it to spill out of me mid-thought, “I LOVE YOU! Shit…fucking love you, t-too!”

Matching his hand speed to his thrust, I was soon spilling all over his finger with a force I never knew I had. He slowly down watching my chest rise and fall, my shirt slowly sliding down my wrecked form, before bring his hands to his lips. I watched in hazy surprise as he licked his hand clean, moaning afterwards as if it was the most delicious thing he has ever tasted. His hips continued to move, chasing his own release, that seemed to be coming rather quickly.

The more erratic his thrusting become, the more nervous I got because he said he’s pull out, but what if he forgets while in the moment? Of course, I’ll take a shower and clean myself up, that’s a given, but uh.

“Pull out, pull out!” The look in his eyes told me to shut up, so doing just that I continued to watch until he pulled out, finishing himself on the area where my thigh and pelvis meet.

“Ah, shit…” Throwing my head back, I felt like I could finally catch my breath which had my bent legs falling heavily on the bed. “I’ll get a rag to clean us up.”

Rambling off what drawer they’re in, he stood from the bed hopping as his pants continued to slide further down his legs. He entered my private bathroom, emerging a few seconds later with a huge smile on his face and a rag. His pants were already pulled up, so it was clear to see that he had already gotten himself together. Wiping me down, I felt like a baby as he lifted my legs laughing and cooing praise about how good of a job I did. Not like I had a choice with all the games he played.

Once fully clean, he yanked my shirt down and slid back on my underwear before laying down between my legs with his head on my chest. It was silent as we both collected ourselves, my hand finding place in his hair, unclamping the sweat soaked strains. It felt nice.

“Aye, weird question,” Resting his chin in the middle of my non-existent pecs, I glanced down at him in wait, “how many people have you been with before me?”

Yeah, that’s kind of – whew – I mean, afterwards? It would have been better to ask before sticking your dick in me. Well, to give him the benefit of doubt, it must have hit him afterwards, although I don’t see why it would actually matter. It shouldn’t.

“Uh, why?” Nervous laughter had left me as he didn’t really seem the type to care about such things.

“Just curious. We’re getting to know one another, right?” Ah, true, we are still getting to know each other. “You can tell me relationships or just sexual partners, it doesn’t matter to me.” If it didn’t then you wouldn’t have asked, but he has a point.

“Um, five all together. I haven’t really had a real relationship, so, uh, yeah.” This weird look had come onto his face causing him to push himself up some, hovering once more. “H-How about you?”

“Wow, five, that’s not including me, right?” Sitting up, I scooted back some, leaning against Mr. Love staring at him in confusion.

“You said not to…” He started to nod as if in a mixture of disbelief and surprise. “Is something wrong with that? I mean, you’ve probably been with more then five people. We’ve all seen how fans throw themselves at you.”

I couldn’t help but become defensive as his reactions wasn’t one that was expected. He asked, so I told him, not expecting him to act as if I slept with half the population. At my words, he snapped out of whatever zone he had enter crawling towards in, wrapping his arms around me to pull me into a hug.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised seeing as how you’re always practicing, so I thought you wouldn’t have the time to meet people.” Well, that makes sense.

“It isn’t like I left the comp-,” Cutting myself off, I cleared my throat not wanting to surprise him, again, he might jump off a bridge if he knows that it’s a few people that he has interacted with.

His phone rang causing him to let me go, jumping to the floor to read over the message that had been sent to him.

“Oh, I gotta go, but I’ll call you later, okay? Also, eat something more than a sandwich.” Nodding, I watched him throw on his shirt before running out of my room. “Love you!”

The door closed after shouting that extra loud causing me to wonder if he wanted everyone to know. Sighing, I glanced down at my legs taking in my hickey covered thighs and registering the slight pain in my lower back. I’m not going to get up in fear of making it worse, so instead I opened my phone deciding to take photos with my new friend. Scrolling through them, I found a really nice one, so going onto my basically deserted Instagram I posted the photo without much though. My following wasn’t a huge, and I don’t think anyone saw him coming in with it, so I really have nothing to worry about.

“Filming starts at around six am tomorrow, and it’s around three pm. I can’t move, but if I get up in an hour, take another shower, do some vocal warm-ups, and check on the members then I should be done around ten, so I’ll get more than enough sleep.” Being content with my plan, I sighed trying my hardest to rid myself of the smile that was making it’s way onto my face.

I can’t believe we really – and he looks so hot, ugh! I’m so lucky, but unlucky at the same time that it isn’t even funny. At least, it was really good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Aren't I getting better? 
> 
> Also, the bear plays into a later chapter and Bobby mhmhmhmhmh.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3/3 of Survival Program. Next chapter will be the start of everything unknowingly heading downhill. I hope you enjoy and see you next update!

A month had passed like that and we were getting closer to the semi-finals I knew that there was nothing to worry about. We had this – we’ll all be debuting as a team. Like stated two performances back, they started to do single member eliminations. Two members for the other three teams have already been eliminated, and only my team and Team C have all our original members. After today’s performance, they’ll start doing Team eliminations to bring us down to the final two teams that’ll participate in front of the live audience.

Obviously, it’s a no brainer that we’ll be one of the two. Don’t get me wrong the other teams are good, but they’re not us.

For today’s performance, we had to switch songs with another team, even though the song that we had originally chosen was perfect for us. As was the song for the other team. It’s a competition, so although we all groaned and complained, we went through with it in the end. The song exchanged happened halfway through the week, so having to throw out our original choreography and trade vocal tracks, we had to work ten times harder than we usually would.

I cut down on sleeping and eat – more than usual – as I spent more time with Hanbin. He helped fixed the audio and vocals making sure that they fit together well, along with continuously pointing out things that should be fixed. He’s a really good mentor. Other than that, dance practice continued from before sun up and way past sun down, moving until our bodies were in pain night after night. Now, we’re here and there’s no turning back.

Fitting’s had gone well, and our small practice had sufficed us enough to move us into the waiting room as Team D’s stage was being set up. We were going in the opposite order since we had all changed songs with one another. Sitting down in the middle, I cleared my throat checking over my members as they all settled down, drinking water. I had to continuously tell myself that this will go fine, but I had this gut wrenching feeling that something is going to go wrong. Be it us or anyone else – I can just feel it.

Watching the performances one after the other, I clapped and cheered to calm myself down and as we were being fitted with our mics and our stage was being set up, I could feel the sweat starting to trickle down my hairline. A stylist came patting it away, gripping at me to calm down and not ruin their work. That’s a really great attitude to have when working with others. Sighing, I took a deep breath, gulping down a bottle of water before gathering my members.

“We got this, okay? We’re going to make it to the finals and debut as a team, together. We’ll show them that we’re a force not to be messed with. Let’s go!” Putting my hand out, they all stacked them on top of mine screaming a cheer of reassurance.

Stepping onto the stage, I smiled greeting the judges with warm smiles only to see that Bobby wasn’t amongst them. He must have had a prior schedule that he couldn’t get out of. He’ll probably text me later asking how it went, so it’s fine. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself down for the last time, checking everyone’s positions before getting into my own. The rock style music started to blare through the sound system and our in-ears.

We had fun on stage – a little too much fun it seems, because when I got to my part everything was going fine until it wasn’t. I was staring at another member the both of us singing together until he stopped allowing me to go up the few notes required. I went and I went, holding the note, then my voice cracked. It cracked loud, booming through the in-ears and sound system until the next member rushed to do their part. I mentally froze, but I continued to dance and act like I was having fun when I was slowly retreating in my head. All I could think is that, ‘This is it.’.

My legs shook as we made our way off the stage, the judges commentary never reaching me, but by the looks on the others’ faces I knew it had to do with me. I practiced and worked really hard only for it to happen all over again. This was really my last chance and I blew it.

“Hyung? Hyung?! HYUNG!” Jumping back, I came out of the beginning of my pity party to see that they were all staring at me. “Are you okay?!”

“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go back to the waiting room. Team A is about to start.” Walking away from them, I held my head high although I wanted to curl into a ball and stuff myself into a corner or something close to that.

Taking our seats once more, I tried my hardest to focus and I just couldn’t. My mind was running wild with thoughts that I haven’t thought of in a long time, because I’ll have to leave the company after this. Unless, I become a staff member which is the last thing that I ever thought I’d be. I can try another field, but I have zero experience in acting, besides the three classes I took when I entered the company. Modeling is also another option, then again, I’m not one to really care about fashion and presenting myself in such a way. I guess, I’ll just go to college like how my parents wanted me to do in the first place.

“Hyung, come on, we’re heading to the stage for eliminations.” Nodding, I stood throwing my arm around the other’s shoulder to ground myself some.

Stepping onto the stage, once more, we were lined up in alphabetical order according to our team’s letters, and as we were off center, I could feel the eyes on me. The pressure and judgement. The rest of the members were crowded around me – two on the side of me and the taller three in the back. One of the younger members, placed a calming hand to my back as if they could tell that I was crumbling on the inside. I’m crumbling like a wall in demolition.

“Everyone has done a great job leading up to this point in the competition.” Yang’s voice bounced off the walls of the studio making it known how quiet it actually is. “It is with great difficulty that we’ll have to eliminate anyone of you, but we have come to a collective decision.” I could tell by the way how his eyes glanced over to me that I was correct – this is it. “Song Yunhyeong…”

I didn’t have it in me to listen to the rest of his words. They weren’t important anyway. They’ll be the same spill about how I have so much talent and how they hope I can debut next time, blah blah. I’ll never debut. I’m past my time; I’m too late.

The other teams made their way off the stage and back to their dressing rooms, leaving only my team as we all just stood there. I forced a smile onto my face turning around towards those younger than me and opening my arms wide I waited for them to step into my embrace. They rushed into it making me laugh, my hands rubbing their shoulders and wiping away their tears that fell without them meaning to. I wanted to throw a tantrum, but I held it in. I’ll let myself go when I get back to the dorms that I’ll have to leave soon.

“You guys did such a good job, okay? I’m sorry I can’t debut with you but promise me that you’ll crush the rest of this competition and show them that Team B is a force to be reckoned with. Okay?” They all nodded pulling me into an even deeper embrace, the bond we’ve formed will soon become a distant memory. “Let’s get you guys out of these clothes and back to the dorms.”

Heading to our dressing room, I gave kind smiles to the other trainees who we bypassed, sad looks covering all of their faces. It’s crazy how everyone knows that this was it for me, and even those that didn’t like me, felt sad that one mistake had cost me everything. Sighing, I changed back into my clothes before I was being pulled aside by a staff member to do my last interview/confessional. I know they’ll go to the members later on. They always do.

Sitting down on the stool, I spun in it a little as it’ll be the last time, I felt the hard plastic underneath my ass with the show’s logo in the background as bright as ever. The cameras focused and the volume of the mic had been adjusted making me force a second smile while I waited for my cue to go.

“How do you feel?” My lips parted ready to answer, but nothing came out besides the sound of the overflow of saliva in my mouth. “You don’t have to rush yourself. I know that this is a difficult thing.”

Taking a deep breath, my vision began to blur, and my forced smile slipped off my face until it was nothing more than a thin line holding back sobs. Pulling out my chap stick, I applied it to my dry lips before taking a second deep breath to really calm myself down. I can get through this – I can do this without tears or sad smiles.

“I feel…bad.” It wasn’t the exact feeling, although pretty close. “I – That’s all I can really feel at this time.”

“Any last words to your members as their leader?”

“As your leader, I was supposed to lead us all to debut, but it seems that I wasn’t able to keep that promise. Even though I’m not here anymore, I don’t want you guys to lose the passion you came into this with. I want you to have the chance to do what you love and if it’s without me, then I cannot fault you. I’ll be cheering for you from home and don’t forget to call me whenever you need help with anything.” My throat had gotten uncomfortably tight at the words that I’ve said to them nearly every day. “I know this might sound lame – corny? – I don’t really know, nor do I care. Team B, I love you guys and I wish nothing but success for you in the future. Sincerely your leader, Song Yunhyeong. I really do love you guys.”

Making a big heart with my arms, I knew that my eyes were glossy from the tears that wanted to fall, but I continued to hold them back. They asked me a few more questions, some of them ones I didn’t know the answer to, and when it was all over, they took the mic off of me. With the mic gone and the cameras, now, off, I was a regular person. I wasn’t a trainee anymore nor was I someone aspiring to be a singer – I’m a nobody who bottles everything up only to feel like shit at the end of the day.

Sending the member ahead in the van, I decided to walk wanting to clear my head before I called my parents to listen to their lecture once more. They’ll say that I should have left after the first time – that I shouldn’t have hurt myself any further. It’s not like they know how desperate I am; I mean, they didn’t even support me this time, so it shouldn’t require a lecture. It shouldn’t but I’ll get one anyway. Zipping up my padded coat, I pushed up the mask, sticking my headphones in my ears, as I watched the van pull away. The walk should only take an hour which is more than enough time to gather myself.

Once I took the first step, tears flowed down from my eyes in a continuous stream that began to wet the mask I was wearing. I ignored it in favor of turning on some music only to be stopped by a message from the person who I’m glad wasn’t here to witness my end.

‘ _I have something to say, so listen to me._ ’ There’s a link attached under the message, so clicking on it I was brought to a visual radio broadcast that was currently ongoing.

“So, Bobby you’ve recently been giving your fans snippets of love songs, and many of them are curious. Are you really seeing someone?” The host was a famous comedienne who’s name I couldn’t remember at the moment.

He held a wide smile, head dropping causing his hair, that still hasn’t been cut, to dangle into his crinkled eyes. I continued to walk, glancing every so often at my screen to see that he hadn’t moved from his position in a few seconds. More than likely thinking about how this would go.

“Um, I have someone that I’m in love with, yes, but I don’t think they feel the same yet.” It had gone quiet, the comments spazzing with questions that he wasn’t going to answer. “Ah, was that a little too real? Should I have made up something?”

The comedienne laughed loudly at his words throwing a joke in there to dissipate the tension that was rising from the room with his manager in it. He’ll surely get yelled at and I’m prepared to hear him come to me with it. That’ll probably be the last day we can be like this because of course he’ll choose his career over me, a loser – a nobody.

“Let’s check out a few comments from the viewers, okay?” He nodded causing me to stop taking a seat on this bench in front of a random apartment complex, the wood extremely cold.

My fingers shook as they came up with some random username that I knew the other would immediately recognize. Typing a message that sounded nothing more than like a fan, I sent it before exiting out of the broadcast going into our messages. I sent him an apology and thanked him for the support he’s offered me all this time. The only response I got was him asking me where I am at, so sending him my location I leaned back into the bench.

I expected it to rain or something with how shitty of a day it is, but I only got clear skies and a sun that had set with no moon to replace it. This must be the sign that no one is on my side. Ugh, I’m such a sad sight to look at that it doesn’t even make sense. I just want to go home and curl up in the bed that I haven’t been in for years while I cry myself to sleep and down myself all over again. I’m an idiot for thinking I ever had a chance to accomplish my dream in the first place. A dumb, stupid, talentless crackly voice idiot.

“Yunhyeong?” The sound of a car door closing had me sitting up straighter, blurred vision not getting any better, instead more tears began to fall. “Come on, let’s go back to my place.”

Shaking my head, I pushed him away without words or hands, using my look of pure desperation mixed with sadness. But that didn’t keep him away – it did nothing honestly. He stepped closer, hands holding the back of my head, rubbing the styled hair messy as I leaned against him. Sobs raked through me hard as I held onto him for dear life, and all he did was continue to rub my nape in comfort.

“What happened? Why are you apologizing and crying?” Sniffling, I pulled him closer wishing to pass some of this heart ache onto the other.

“I – I got eliminated.” I wanted to ramble on about how I’ll have to leave the dorms and how we’ll more than likely have to stop seeing each other, but it was enough pain for only me to know.

The hand on my nape stilled his fingers gripping at the skin and muscles causing my sob to be cut off by a small scream. He soon let go soothing over what he had just did, no words being spoken as he did it once more.

“Ah, well, hm.” His voice had become monotone, words sounding like a disappointed parent that didn’t know what to say. “Do you trust me?”

A single nod was all it took before he was hoisting me up walking me towards the passenger’s side of his car, the door opening a second later. Motioning for me to sit down, I did so, the other reaching over me to buckle me in before closing the door with hesitation. Although it didn’t show on his face, I could tell from how tense his shoulders were that he wanted to slam the door. That he wanted to throw the same tantrum I do, but our reasoning may or may not be different.

Getting in, he drove to his place in silence, the only thing telling me that he was still with me was his hand that rested on top of my balled up ones. When we arrived, he pulled on my hood holding it some as he walked me through the lobby and onto the elevator. I wanted to ask why he was holding it, but I knew my face looked a mess, so it was probably for the best. Pressing in the code, he pushed me ahead of him closing the door behind us as I slowly stripped out of my coat leaving me as the nobody that I now am.

“Sit with me on the couch, Yun.” Nodding, I sat down on the black leather with my hands in between my thighs trying to keep myself from crying. “This was a back-up plan, but it seems that it’s the only way to go right now. Here, sign this paper where all the ‘x’s are.”

Dropping the packet on the table in front of me, along with a pen, my hands shook as I reached out to read it. I’m not just going to go into signing anything without reading it first. I might be stupid, but I’m not that stupid. Flipping over the company logo on the front page, my eyes instantly attached themselves to the words ‘ **Modeling Contract** ’.

“M-Modeling? B-But, I can’t. I’m no good at it.” Removing his hands from his pockets, he finally sat down, one arm wrapping around my waist pulling me closer to him while the other held onto the shaking stack of papers. “May-Maybe I should just quit. I don’t think it’s right for me to make it harder on others because I’m doing something, I have no business doing.”

“Yun bun, calm down, okay? You said you trusted me, right?” I do, but this is an I don’t know. “Sign the papers, and I can help you get your music career, hm?”

He started to press soft kisses up the side of my face erasing the trails of tears that were left behind from a moment ago.

“H-How? How can modeling get me to my passion?”

“You don’t want people to see you as someone to use me, right?” H-How did he know that? “So, if you become big as a model, and I start using you as a feature, then no one can say anything. Why? Because you’ve already made a name for yourself in another field, and not to mention that people will be expecting something from you if they hear that you want to get back into music.” He had a point, and if this is the only way, then I should take it.

“Don’t worry, I got you, baby. I’ll take care of everything, so all you have to do is stand there, pose, and look pretty until I can use this amazing voice of yours.”  

“YG take care of or actually take care of?” My voice was small as I was talking down on our, more so his, Boss.

“I got you. Have I ever not had you?” Well, so far, he has been there for me and helping me, so there’s no reason to doubt him, right? “You can even do my demos while we wait, okay?”

Giving in, I agreed as he was basically giving me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Scanning through the packet, I signed my name on all the doted lines and sitting the now finished packet down, I turned towards the other with a slight smile on my face. He smiled back even wider before pushing me down, lips attaching themselves onto any exposed skin making me squirm some.

“We need to work on your portfolio, so on my next day off, I’ll book a photoshoot to help, okay?” Nodding, he pressed a soft quick kiss to my lips, our eyes meeting for a mere second before they were fully attaching themselves.

A model, huh? And after all that junk I was just talking about not being able to do it, but it doesn’t matter, I’ll trust Bobby and only Bobby on this matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, but I just realized that I'm dragging YG by his hat and it has me dying now that I've realized it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luggage and Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Another update, yeeeeeh! 
> 
> Now, I'm going to be straight up and say that I kind of fell away close to the end of this chapter, so it didn't come out exactly how I wanted to. But I can't have them jumping from point D from point B without any explanation as to how it happened, um, so I guess it can be seen as a filler chapter(?). Also, I mentioned in my other story R2I, that I'm going to be updating this story on Tuesday, hopefully, seeing as how Wednesday I'm seeing iKON at SXSW, and when I get home on Thursday I'm more than likely not going to be in the mood to do anything. 
> 
> As always enjoy and I'll hopefully see you guys Tuesday!

Waking up to an empty bed, I rubbed at my eyes taking in the dark styled room that looked nothing like my bedroom in the dorms. Sighing, the memories of last night came crashing back into me, a sound of disbelief leaving my lips as I couldn’t believe that I had really signed that contract. It’s not a bad deal from what I scanned over – it’s way better than the contract I signed to become a trainee, so I can’t really talk down on it. I’ll just have to be the best at this, like how I tried to be the best idol – all hard work and dedication.

“Well, it’s already too late. If you had gone with the original plan, then none of this would be happening.” Bobby’s voice floated into the room making me sit up, eyes trained solely on the door. “The plan changed, and I’m still going to get what I want at the end of this, so I don’t care anymore. Hang up.”

The door slowly creaked open, my head tilting to meet the other’s whose eyes were the only thing showing so far. He made his eyebrows jump making the rest of my sleep leave me in laughter, the smile after becoming permanent as he stepped fully inside. His crossed the room faster than he normally would, his body coming onto my own forcing me to lay back down.

“When did you wake up?” Running his fingers through my hair, he smoothed out my bed hair before allowing his hand to rest heavily against the back of my neck, our eyes locked into each other.

“Ah, now, why?”

“No reason.” He’s probably curious if I heard his conversation. “Oh, I got you your first runway lesson, it’s later this afternoon, so for now I was wondering what you’d be doing?”

“Um, well, I should go pack up my room and head back home for now.” That’s the only thing to do, really.

“Isn’t that far? The commute would be a hassle. You should just move in with me since I’m closer, and I can take you to your practices and anything else you need.” Opening my mouth to decline, he gave me this weird look that had me closing my mouth once more.

I don’t want to be a burden. That’s the last thing that I ever want to be, not to mention that those rumors of me using him will be fully blown out of proportion if they found out I live with him. I just – I don’t know.

“Think of it as living with your Manager since I’m in charge of everything, anyway.” Ah, he did say that he’d take care of me, so maybe this is his way of keeping me looked after. “Plus, if we’re already living together, then I can love you even more with you so close to me. We’ll wake up together, go to bed together, eat together, maybe even bath together, but above all, we’ll have fun together. Doesn’t that sound great?”

“I -,” Everything sounded exactly like how I always saw love to be, well when I was younger that is, so my reasons to object are only coming from my conscious that I’ve been ignoring. “Uh,”

“Do you not want to be together?” He moved off of me scooting closer to the edge as if he was about to stand. “That’s fine. I can always be with someone else, especially someone who wants to be with me.”

“Huh?” The sudden switch in speech and tone had me sitting further up making my way closer to him. “That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that I don’t want to burden you anymore than I already am; plus, I can’t just be staying anywhere for free.” He turned to face me, eyes somewhat down casted.

“So…your answer?”

“Sure, but I’ll pay a bill or do housework or something like that.” Lightly patting my face, he stood, smile wide and eyes slightly unfocused.

“Don’t worry about that, you can’t afford my bills and I have a housekeeper, so just work hard at modeling.” Ah, okay, then that’s what I’ll do. “I have to go to a schedule, so if you want, I can drop you back off at the dorms to collect your things? Oh, I’ll even have someone come and get you.”

“Only if it isn’t burdening anyone.” Waving my words off, he left me alone to get myself together.

Well, at least I don’t have to go all the way back home, so maybe this is a better deal.

We didn’t do anything last night besides cuddling as he continued to comfort me even after I signed the contract. I tried my hardest to hide the fact that I was still upset over the outcome – I kind of still am, but only a little bit. It’s like that distant bitter taste that can be easily washed away with something sweet, and even though it’s gone, you can still feel it. I shouldn’t dwell on it too much. I already have a new career path that I’ll fully focus on, so that I can come back to my passion later. This passion that has held me hostage for the last six years.

Slipping back on my socks, I left the bed that was three times the size of my twin bed in the dorms; I don’t even think my bed at home is bigger than a full size. When even was the last time that I’ve been home? I think it’s been a year? I should visit soon and listen to that stupid speech once more.

A sad sounding chuckle left my lips as I made my way into the bathroom to quickly freshen up not wanting to keep the other waiting. I don’t know what time he has to be there, so it’s best to move quickly. After using the bathroom and lightly cleaning my face of tear streaks, I moved to meet the other in the living room, and once I got there, I slipped on my coat and mask making sure the hat I always wore was low on my head.

“Ready?” Nodding, he took my hand this time, intertwining our fingers, squeezing a little as if afraid that I would run away.

I have no where to run, so I don’t think he has much to worry about.

Dropping me off at the dorms, he headed off to the company saying that he’d be riding with his manager to his schedule. Mumbling a small okay, I got out taking the gate card he held out as I already knew the door code for the apartment. On my way back inside, I took a look at the outside of the dorms for the last time as I won’t have any chances to visit once I become busy in my new profession. If I become busy – no, I will, and I’ll be one of the best of the newer wave. I’ll be the best.

Rushing up the stairs and towards my dorm, I punched in the code, quickly entering, allowing the door to close nosily behind me. Going straight into my room, I took the old luggage that I entered this company with, and tossing it open on the floor I started to bring my clothes down from their hangers. They weren’t my hangers per say, so it would be best for me to leave them for the next hopeful soul to use. Once the closet was empty, I moved onto the drawers pulling out clothes that I haven’t seen in a while – I don’t even think most of them still fit, but I’ll worry about that later.

A knock on the front door had me standing, walking calmly towards the door even though my heart was ready to leap out of my chest. I wasn’t mentally prepared to see my team members after sending them away like how I did, so having one of them come to me would be an unprepared situation. Like, what should I say? I mean, I said everything that I had to in the interview and on stage, although there is much more that I would like to say, I can’t. No, it’s not that I can’t, it’s that I don’t know how to properly word it without sounding like a mess.

“Y-Yes?” Cracking the door, the person on the other side of it pushed it further open revealing the face of someone I wasn’t thinking of – Hanbin. “Oh, what are you doing here?”

“Don’t sound so disappointed, Yunhyeong, and Bobby told me to help you pack and take you to his place.” Nodding, I moved away from the door allowing him to come further inside. “So, are you two living together now?”

“Um, yeah, I guess.” It was a recently decided thing, so I can’t really be all that enthusiastic about it.

“That means we’ll be seeing each other more often.” A smile graced his face at that fact causing me to give a small one back as I could see us being good friends. “How much stuff do you have left?”

“I need to clear the walls, the rest of my drawers, the bathroom and that’s really it.” Entering my room, I took in everything as what I had said was correct.

“Can I help?” I don’t see a reason why he couldn’t. “That bear!” Glancing at Mr. Love, he brushed past me staring at it closer. “So, Bobby brought it for you?”

The way he said it had my stomach tightening as if there was someone else, he would give it to. Is there? No, he probably was thinking that it was for family or something, yeah, or himself. Would he keep a huge bear? He doesn’t really seem like the type, but after getting to know him so far, there is a lot of surprises that contradict his looks.

“I didn’t mean that there is anyone else; I’m just saying that there are photos of him buying it, so I thought it was for his nephew or mom.” See, family, and nothing else. “I’ll go clear out the bathroom. Is there anything you don’t need?”

“Um, no, I don’t have that much stuff to begin with, so it would be best to just grab everything.” Agreeing to my words he entered the bathroom leaving me to continue folding and stuffing my things into my suitcase.

The first one got full to the point that there was no return, so moving onto the other one, I started to pull the posters and fan gifts off of the walls folding them nicely. They were all pretty old, besides a few of the new ones that I got from doing the new show. I probably have more gifts that I need to get after the company finishes sorting them, but those can always wait until I feel the need to ask about them.

Finishing up everything nicely, I looked at the now bare room that looked just how it did when I first moved in here all those years ago. Well, things would have had to change sooner or later. Sliding my laptop into it’s protective sleeve, it went on top of all the gifts and other smaller things as I waited for Hanbin to come out of the bathroom with my things. When he did, I took notice of the weird look on his face that had my heartbeat speeding up some, because what exactly did, he see for him to look like this?

He said nothing instead slowly sitting all my stuff down before leaning in until his lips were brushing past my ear, “I’m not one to comment on other’s bedroom business, but you should really hide your things better.”

Pulling away, he used his hand to roll the bottle of lube that I had completely forgot about over this whole month, closer to me. A small gasp left my lips as I stuffed it towards the bottom, quickly zipping my suitcase closed. I can’t believe that has just been out in the open for a whole month and I haven’t even seen it. Ugh, this is so embarrassing!

“Don’t worry, I got a bottle in my car,” My mouth fell open at how open he was with it, “We should go, so that you can get settled in before he comes back.”

“O-Okay.” Slipping on my coat, I held my bear close to my chest as Hanbin said he’d take my luggage.

Thanking him, we left in silence, my head peeking slightly over the shoulder of stuffing that kept its form. The other had parked where Bobby had dropped me off causing me to take in the new car I’ve never seen before. It wasn’t anything big or over the top, like how you’d expect most of these celebrities to have, instead of it was a white four door that held a mesh character sun blocker on the window.

“My mom and I switched cars for a few days, so my litter sister’s stuff is all over the back.” Makes sense. “You can put the bear in the backseat and get up front.”

Nodding, I did exactly as he said soon sliding myself into the passenger seat, buckling myself in with a small sigh. My phone had gone off, so digging it out of my pocket I noticed that it was a social media notification. I’ve been getting a handful since I’ve put my face back out there, so this isn’t anything crazy.

**_LoveSong_fan_ ** _: Isn’t this the bear that Bobby was holding in those photos? I mean, the color and style is the same._

That stomach dropping feeling was back, but I knew I couldn’t delete the photo as it would make it even more obvious that it was. Not to mention that denying it, only for it to come out as the truth later would look bad, I’ll just ignore it like how I do everything else – that’s the best route for this.

“Are you okay? You look as if your heart has stopped working.” Forcing a smile onto my face, I nodded my head putting on my usual ‘okay’ act. “Are you sure? Because I think there is a clinic around here.”

“I’m sure, so don’t worry about me.” He didn’t seem all that convinced, but from us working together I knew he wasn’t the type to push as it wasn’t really his place to do so. “Do you need the gate card?”

Digging in my pocket for it, he told me that it was fine and before I could ask, he pulled up to the gate pressing his own card against the sensor. He threw back an ‘I live here as well’, which had me nodding in understanding. A lot of people must live here like how I thought so before. Pulling into the parking structure, he moved calmly into his spot, the car going off a second later.

“Need help or do you have this?” I should have it – it isn’t even that much stuff to begin with anyway.

“I got it, thanks for the ride.” Unbuckling myself, I took notice of how he was still glued to his seat. “Do you have something to do after this, or are you going to head up later?”

“Hm, oh, I need to get back to the studio.”

“Oh okay, well, I’ll see you around, I guess.” Getting out, I took Mr. Love out of the backseat before going towards the propped open trunk.

A small wrestling match had taken place as I got the luggage out trying my hardest not to drop the human-sized bear that is doing more problems than good. Once everything was settled, Hanbin finally got out closing the trunk with laughter saying that he’d get the elevator for me since my arms are full. It would have been better if he helped a little earlier, but any help is nice, so I’m not going to complain. Pressing the button, I thanked him for the last time as I got on flashing him a small smile.

The ride up was rather silent, everyone seeming to be somewhere else than at home, which was fine with me. I hate people staring at me in a curious way anyway. Going through another wrestling match to put the code in, I calmly made my way inside dropping Mr. Love onto the couch soon following after him. This is the most work I’ve put in, in a while and that’s sad seeing as how I throw my body around on a daily basis.

Laying here for longer than needed, my mind wandered back to this morning as the thoughts I momentarily pushed away had come back. ‘He’s kind of childish’, was a main thought that crossed my mind once he took in the fact that I was hesitant. I mean, who wouldn’t be? We haven’t even fully defined our relationship, but we’ve had sex once, amongst other things, and now he’s telling me to move in. Of course, I decided on my own that I would, but this is way different from how I expected this to go. Actually, I didn’t even expect anything in the first place, so this is going at it’s own pace really.

Well, at least, he’s taking his words and my career seriously, even going as far as booking me a walking lesson for when I start doing runway – if I start doing runway. He’ll more than likely continue to help me from here on, so I guess, it’s fine for him to be childish, although mainly selfish. It’s fine to be selfish in love, right? Yeah, it should be.

Getting my head together, I rolled off the couch taking a tour of my own as I’ve only been introduced to the main bedroom, bathroom, living room, and kitchen. I should know more about where I’m staying, especially if I’m going to be here for a long while. As I by passed the rooms I knew, I came upon three more, one of them being a studio, another one being a bedroom, and another bathroom. It must be for when guest come over. Stepping into the bedroom, I found that it held a similar theme as the main bedroom, even holding another walk-in closet although not as big as the other one.

It clear that he could buy a bigger place – than a two bedroom, I mean – but the view from this place, and how spacious it is, makes it nicer than one would think. I’ve always wanted to buy something like this for my family, although I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance. Then again, it all depends on how much work I get, if any. No, I should have faith in myself and my almost nonexistent skills.

Rolling my luggage into the main bedroom, I stuck it in a corner as I’ll ask where I should go and all that good stuff. Tossing Mr. Love onto the bed, I followed after laying down on him, a sigh of relief leaving my lips at how soft and comforting he is. This might be the best gift I’ve ever gotten, and I don’t have a real reason as to why it is, but it just is.

From here on, time seemed to tick on slowly making me drowsy as I tried to force myself to stay awake. Messages from the other came in from time to time asking me question that I honestly thought were stupid, but I answered them, nonetheless. By the time he had arrived back, I was half asleep, slightly drooling onto artificial fur.

“Yun?” Springing up, I quickly glanced around before stopping as I came face-to-face with the one, I’ve been waiting on. “Aw, cute, but we need to be heading out.”

Nodding, he helped me up, fingers softly wiping away at the small amounts of drool that had stuck to my face. He even went so far as to fixing my clothes and getting me some water to wake me up further. Thanking him, he only took my hand walking me out of the home, eyes on his phone typing away one text message after the other. I’m not nosy by any means but seeing him send one after the other had me slightly curious as to what he was being so adamant about. I never asked though.  

The usual situation played out with us getting into his car, the radio playing the type of music I could deal with while he drove, eyes flickering from me to the rode. We pulled up to what could be seen as a dance studio, although there are too many differences from an actual one. Making our way inside, I slightly leaned back hiding myself by the other’s side just in case anyone could identify us – of course, he’s identifiable, but I’m starting to get tired of seeing people make connections.

He opened the door, ushering me in ahead of him, the both of us being met with an older woman who looked stern. Greeting her, she gave no greeting back instead ignoring me all together to go speak with Bobby. They moved slightly over, the both of them not at all listening to the other as they talked over each other about who knows what.

When they were done, she came over harshly grabbing my face with her nails turning my head in all different directions. She threw off my coat, tossing it at the other who didn’t catch it at all, the sound of my phone coming in contact with the ground making me cringe. Please, don’t let it be broken. Her hands roamed all over my body touching, groping, sighing, and humming in approval. By the time she was done, I felt naked, not like anyone cared though.

“Walk.” Flinching at the sound of her voice, she stared upon me in wait which had me scurrying to one end of the room. “Go on.”

Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I walked like how I normally did, causing her ‘tsk’ to bounce off the walls loudly. Her heels clacked loudly as she came towards me telling me go once more. Taking the first few steps, she stopped me asking me if I knew anything about walking for my body type; I mean, obviously not because I have no idea what that means.

“Bobby hand me my teaching stick.” My eyes blew up at her words and the fact that the other actually stood to get it. “You walk as if you have bricks between your legs, so we’ll fix it.” What does a stick have to do with it? “Every time I have to correct you, will serve in five hits to your calves, now start over.”

I tried a different walk, and got five hits; I tried another one, and five more hits. The cycle continued until she was content with the final walk I had manage to do. She said that it was a balance between feminine and masculine, since my body was rather lean although I had some muscle. And although my legs were in immense pain, she continued to have me spin around talking about poses that would look good for me.

I stopped listening more so towards the beginning instead of the end as my pants were starting to stick to the pained areas. Who even still does corporal punishment? This has to be inhuman on some sort of level.

“Yun bun?” Slowly blinking, I came back into myself to see that they were both staring at me in wait, which had me mumbling a small ‘huh’. “I think that’s enough for today, Mrs. Park.”

“Mhm, same time for the next three days and I better see improvement or no more favors for you, Mr. Kim.” She left, heels clicking loudly behind her on her way in the opposite direction from the door.

“Favors? What have you done for her?” It was genuine curiosity nothing more or less.

“Nothing much, just helped her with a few deals.” Mhm, okay. “It’s getting late, so we should head back and start fixing your things.”

Agreeing to his words, I took one step only to fall to my knees in pain, hands instantly attaching themselves to the back of my calves. I gripped them tightly hoping that the pain would transfer itself to my hands only for the pain to get worse. The first thought was to cry, but I decided against it having cried more than enough yesterday. Bobby came, scooping me up with ease, tossing my jacket over me as he walked us back to the car. He must be used to this seeing as how he hasn’t asked if I’m okay or anything resembling that.

Making it to the car, he calmly sat me in the passenger seat before getting in the driver’s seat. He told me to give him my legs, so doing just that I turned, my back pressed against the door. My pants weren’t all that tight, thankfully, and when he rolled them up, we both took in the multiple red lines that decorated my skin.

“Open the glove box, I should have some smoothing cream in there.”  Opening it, a bunch of stuff fell forward which had me snorting. “What? Is it not in there?”

“A box of condoms and they’re open.” Picking up the box and the cream, I tossed both of them at him in wait because we sure as hell didn’t use them last time. “Who did you use these with?”

“Huh? These?” He kept flipping the box around, squinting as if he couldn’t see anymore. “Oh, this is old. I haven’t had time to sleep with anyone else, let alone you, so let’s calm down and worry about your legs, okay?”

He had a point that didn’t really answer my question, but I let it slide in favor of him actually fixing my legs. I watched carefully as he rubbed the cream into them, hissing every so often at the sting that came from the skin-to-skin contact. Tossing the cream and box into the backseat, he continued to massage at me calves, an apologetic look coming onto his face.

“Sorry, she’s strict, but she has put many models on top, so I knew she was a better bet than anyone else.” Humming, I leaned into the door some more staring out at the sky that was being somewhat blocked by a street lamp. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind.” I didn’t care to turn to him wanting to keep a few of my thoughts at bay for now.

“You can tell me anything, I’m here for you, Yun.”

It had gone completely silent as he seemed to be waiting on a response while I didn’t have one. I’m getting so much help with him wanting nothing in return, so it’s kind of unsettling to me. He said to work hard at modeling, but I can’t even walk right on the first few tries, it took multiple tries for me to even get close to something that works for me. Now, I’m in pain and he’s, um, he’s something that I can’t really make out. I’d understand all the help if our relationship was fully defined, but at most, right now, all we can be considered as are roommates that have feelings for each other and slept together once.

Of course, it’ll be easy to just say we’re dating and enjoy a happy dating life, but with him being a prominent figure in the media that isn’t such an easy task. He’s said that he loves me on many occasions in more ways than one, but all I can say is that I really like him. maybe, I’m overthinking this whole thing out of fear of us not working out and me being the target once they find out that I’ve caused him unhappiness. I-I’m just tired of going after things that I want and not being able to get them; although, he is right in front of me, I can’t really be sure that he is in front of me when he’s in front of everyone else as well.

I sound so insecure over nothing, and if he knew what I’m truly thinking then he’d surely laugh at me.

“Yun?”

“Hm?”

“Let’s announce our relationship.” My heart fell straight into my ass, because I knew he’d say it soon, but not this soon. “I don’t want to keep hiding you, like I threw your coat over your head so that no one could identify you. It makes me feel bad that I can’t love you openly; I mean, we do love each other, right?”

“B-Bobby,” Taking a deep breath, I finally looked at him only for my head to fall taking in the hands in my lap, “I do share your feelings, but we – I don’t know anymore.” Why am I suddenly over this whole thing? “If that’s what you want to do, then we can do it, but don’t blame me for what happens afterwards.”

“Nothing will happen, Yun. I got you and you got me, and that’s all that matters.” Placing his hand on top of my own, he squeezed them in reassurances making me meet his eyes once more to see that they were extremely clear. “Let’s be happy.”

“L-Let’s be happy.” With my mind easily swayed, I gave him a small smile as this was better than hiding and sneaking around, right?  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I wonder who Bobby was talking to and what he's going to still get in the end?


	9. Not an Update (Although an explanation)

So, it's been a while I know but I haven't really been all there mentally (depression) and I can't really move forward with this story until I sort out my head once more, but I'm not giving up on it so don't worry. I was close to it though as I've recently lost all the passion I've had for writing and I'm kind of forcing myself to write at this point because I can't be a sad bitch forever :). For now, I'm going to put this story on hiatus and start it back up again sometime in the summer since I won't be as busy then and it'll give me time to think about what direction I want this story to move in. I will be uploading another story in place of this one, but I need to go through my stories that I've already started on and edit blah blah. 'Return to Innocence' will be updated sometime soon as a depressive head space works for that story...sadly. 

Also, for those that follow me on twitter, I've decided that it's best for me to just worry about my stories and nothing else. I'm not in the mood to be interactive with others so I'll only be on there when it pertains to updating those AUs. Thanks for the understanding ( and even if you don't....I really don't care -_-.)


	10. Another Not an Update (Although another explanation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .... ;}

First of all ..... WHAT IT DO BABYEEEEEEEEE?!

Secondly, I know you guys have been waiting for updates on all of my things and even though I said I was back ( that turned out to be a huge lie :) ) I ended up taking more time off. I always end up saying what I want to do instead of actually doing that as depression tends to make you do the opposite of what you initially intended to do. With that being said, I am sadly discontinuing this story...BUT the good thing is that I still want to run with this idea, so last night, I came up with this amazingly new story plot. It'll still hold the original feelings that I wanted to convey in this story, but the actual story itself will be much better and hopefully make more sense. I've currently been arranging (jotting down) the details and the progression of the story so it should be coming the moment that is all worked out. I hope you look forward to that story *deep bow and words of thanks*.

Thirdly, I have another new story that I've been working on and I'm falling deeper in love with it the more I write for it. I'm currently on chapter three and I hope to post it some time soon as a way to make up for all this lost time. It's a historical one (I caught inspiration from my story 'The Beautifully Damned's' first chapter 'A Fated Gift' and a lot of music); it's during the Joseon dynasty as I've come to really like that time period instead of coming up with a whole new one - it's easier to do research for me at this point. Unlike my other story, this one is Yunbob instead of Yunbin - it's sort of switching out one for the other, but it's not at the same time. It's coming along gracefully, and I hope you look forward to this story as well. *Another round of applause and thanks*

Lastly, anyone who is reading 'Return to Innocence', it is currently still on hiatus and will be updated when I find it in me to jump back into that story. Sorry but I've been running on new ideas which left the old ones to fall off a cliff. although, I've recently been re-reading it to try and start up again, so when I do come back it will be a long update - I'm aiming for a two chapter update, then it will fall back into it's past schedule of being updated every Wednesday.  **The FIRST new story will take this story's update schedule** \- the next story will soon find it's own schedule when I find a time to squeeze it into my schedule.  

Well, that is all for now, and I'll speak to you guys once I come back (for real this time).  __

** _Au Revoir, mes amies!_ **

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter done, and yes, I do know that today is Saturday, but the rest will come out on Thursday, so that's really it. Also, what do you guys think about being tricked into a date? Like you had fun and all, but now that you know what it is, how would it make you feel? Just curious.


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